


Everything Changes

by lucianowriter



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Eventual Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Senior year, Stiles/Malia break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4571961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianowriter/pseuds/lucianowriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Senior Year for the whole gang and everything is about to change. For Stiles Stilinski that change may be closer than he thinks. Begins out being Season 5 compliant, like only the first episode, then becomes non-canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Day

It was Senior Year when everything changed.

Malia and I had been together for some time. We were happy. No, we were content. In fact, she was happier in the relationship than I was. At the time I chalked it up to me stressing over keeping the pack together beyond high school. Then Senior Scribe happened. That’s when everything became clear to me.

In case you don’t know Senior Scribe is a night when all the seniors of Beacon Hills High School go into the library and sign their initials onto some library shelves. It’s our way of leaving our mark, of saying that we were here and we mattered. Our group was excited because Malia had just found out that she had passed and was officially a senior. There was also a little bit of sadness in the air as we filed in to sign our initials. I knew that my buddy Scott was thinking of Allison and how she should have been here with us. I was thinking of my Cat Woman, Erica, and Boyd because if it weren’t for the Alpha’s they would have been there with us too.

For some reason the group decided that I was the first of us to sign my initials. I hesitated at the shelf thinking, “what initials do I write? My actual initials or SS for Stiles Stilinski?” That is when I saw it.

DH. Derek Hale.

For some odd reason my pulse intensified in that moment and my mouth went dry. I felt a pang of sorrow, not because he was dead (though his unexplained absence made it seem that way) but because he was gone without a trace. Scott told us months ago that he had tried to text Derek but hadn’t gotten any reply. Since he seemed certain that Derek wanted nothing to do with us we all agreed to leave him alone. Until that moment when I saw his initials it hadn’t even been a struggle. However, the minute I saw that DH I got the sudden urge to pull out my phone and try texting him myself.

I realized that I had been standing at the shelf a little too long so I quickly signed SS and gave my pen to the next of our group to go.

For the rest of the evening I didn’t think anything more of my startling thoughts about Derek. Then I got home to our empty house, my dad being on the night shift again, and needed something to dampen the silence. So I pulled out my phone and pulled up Derek’s contact. I must have stared at that contact profile for ages before hovering my finger over the send text message option. Taking a deep breath I pressed my thumb down and started a new message.

TO: SourWolf 12:38am

**Hey.**

No “hey” sounded too informal and stupid. _Be cool Stilinski._

TO: SourWolf 12:39am

**Hey man! Hope your time away has been productive and good for you. Not saying that it hasn’t been good for us too. I mean it hasn’t entirely been, but it’s not because of you.**

Before I could correct my word vomit my thumb pressed down on the send. _Shit._

I threw my phone down on my bed and began to pace around my room. My head was starting up with its usual barrage of possible outcomes to that horrendous text message. Each new outcome more crazy and unlikely than the previous. I don’t even know how long I paced my room; actually I do, it was approximately 5 minutes. FIVE MINUTES! That’s all it took for Derek to reply. Five minutes.

FROM: SourWolf 12:44am

**Shut up Stiles. I’m fine.**

TO: SourWolf 12:44am

**I figured you were fine. I just was hoping that you would maybe tell me more about your trip. Like where you went. Why you went. When you are coming back. Why you don’t reply to Scott but you will reply to me. Those kinds of things.**

TO: SourWolf 12:45am

**Yes I am aware that I wrote a novel. Stop scowling SourWolf.**

I laid down on my bed and huffed my frustration over my feelings about Derek Hale, SourWolf extraordinaire. I even punched my leg a few times for good measure. Then I heard the ping of a new message.

FROM: SourWolf 12:47am

**Stiles. I am NOT scowling. I don’t answer Scott because he needs to be the Alpha, not me.**

TO: SourWolf 12:47am

**Okay SourWolf that answers only 1 of my many questions.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:48am

**STOP CALLING ME SOURWOLF! Also, you didn’t actually ask any questions.**

TO: SourWolf 12:48am

**You know you like it buddy. Okay so I _implied_ that the statements should be questions. Still you should have answered them.**

For a few moments Derek didn’t reply and my mind started to once again come up with reasons why it was taking so long. I tried my hardest not to think about it, but I didn’t really have anything else that could distract me so I was left to my crazy, impulsive thoughts.

FROM: SourWolf 12:52am

**Stiles, I don’t really feel it is necessary to tell you where I went. I don’t know when I will be back. I answered you because you caught me at a good time. I was bored.**

TO: SourWolf 12:53am

**Big D you admitting to missing my incessant and constantly spastic word vomit tangents?**

FROM: SourWolf 12:53am

**Nope.**

TO: SourWolf 12:54am

**Liar liar pants on fire.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:54am

**Stiles.**

TO: SourWolf 12:54am

**D I can practically hear you scowling through the phone. Why so serious?**

FROM: SourWolf 12:55am

**Did you seriously make a Batman reference?**

TO: SourWolf 12:55am

**YOU ARE MY SOULMATE! Scotty sucks at understanding my cultural references.**

TO: SourWolf 1:01am

**OMG Derek I should not have screamed that about the soulmate thing. I totally made it awkward. I did, didn’t I? UGH I’m so impulsive. Just ignore me. BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!**

FROM: SourWolf 1:02am

**Calm down Stiles. I just went to the bathroom. I’m used to your weirdness so that comment was not awkward.**

TO: SourWolf 1:02am

**You are just saying that to make me not freak out anymore.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:03am

**When have I ever done anything because it benefited you?**

TO: SourWolf 1:03am

**Fair. So I have another question and you have to be 100% honest.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:04am

**What Stiles?**

TO: SourWolf 1:04am

**You swear?**

FROM: SourWolf 1:04am

**I SWEAR! Ugh.**

TO: SourWolf 1:05am

**Do you miss any of us? Please be honest. I just feel like no one really cares about our pack’s future but me. Scott wants to go away to college and so do Kira and Lydia. Malia may leave even if she doesn’t go to college.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:07am

**Stiles, you worry too much. It’s kind of adorable, but seriously. Chill out. I miss you and Scott and Lydia. I don’t really know Malia or Kira well enough to miss them. I mostly miss the noise. It’s too quiet here.**

For a moment I can’t even breathe. Did Derek seriously just admit that he missed me? That he found my worrying adorable?

“WHAT DOES IT MEAN?” I screamed to the room at large before grabbing my phone again and typing my reply.

TO: SourWolf 1:09am

**Thanks, Big D. Night.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:09am

**Goodnight Stiles. Text me anytime. Even if it’s 1am and you can’t sleep because you are worrying too much.**

That final text from Derek was more than I could honestly handle. I went to sleep still worrying about what my feelings towards him and what his words to me all meant. There were just too many unknowns for me to be completely okay with. However, sleep took over and I resigned myself to think about it more in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning I woke up early in preparation of the first day of school. It was the first day of Senior Year. Everything was working out fine. I’d gotten up early and had managed to get ready for school in record time. I was just putting the finishing touches on my breakfast of cinnamon toast and eggs when my phone alerted me to a new text message.

FROM: SourWolf 8:02am

**Hope you were able to sleep. What made you text me last night of all nights?**

My jaw dropped. _What was he doing?_ Derek had texted me without provocation. I was honestly unable to truly wrap my head around it. However, I responded nonetheless.

TO: SourWolf 8:05am

**Went to Senior Scribe last night and saw your initials. I don’t know why but it made me think of you and that prompted me to focus on those thoughts for a few hours before I finally decided to text you. It’s no big deal. Don’t think too much on it buddy.**

FROM: SourWolf 8:06am

**I’m obviously not the one thinking on it too much. Buddy.**

TO: SourWolf 8:06am

**Wha…I’m not thinking about it too much. No thoughts here. None whatsoever. Totally Cool as a Cucumber. Took my Chill Pill. The whole nine yards. No thoughts. None. Zilch. Nada.**

FROM: SourWolf 8:07am

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Whatever you say Stiles.**

TO: SourWolf 8:07am

**Did I seriously just make Derek “perpetual scowl” Hale laugh? Stiles 1 SourWolf 0!!!!**

FROM: SourWolf 8:08am

**But seriously. What kinds of thoughts were you thinking about me? Naughty or Nice?**

With that text I dropped my phone into my glass of orange juice by mistake. I of course try to push his insinuation out of my mind and focus on the crisis at hand, my juice filled cell phone. I try turning it on. No go. I curse some more and even curse Derek for causing the accident in the first place. Of course as I am trying to figure out a way to fix my phone Scott decides that is his moment to show up.

“Morning!” Scott practically yells as he comes into the kitchen.

“Fuck” I responded not looking at my best bud and continuing to contemplate the severity of my phone problem.

“Dude! You’re not supposed to drop your phone into your juice.” Scott tells me, grabbing my phone from me and drying it off with a towel. “You will have to put it in a container of rice for like a day. That’s what I did when I dropped my phone in that puddle in the woods that one time a few months ago.”

“Great. Just what I need. To be without a phone for a whole day. My dad is gonna try and get ahold of me and then freak out when I don’t answer.” I grumble.

“You know you could text him from my phone and let him know what happened.”

“Yeah let me just tell my dad that I dropped my phone in a glass of juice. That will go over real well.”

“Sure your dad will be mad but, he’ll get over it. Trust me. My mom was the same way when I got mine all wet. Then a few days later she was fine because she realized I didn’t completely ruin my phone.”

“What if the rice doesn’t work? Huh? My dad carries a gun and it’s not like we are swimming in money right now. He’d be upset about having to replace my phone.”

“Seriously Stiles just don’t stress.” Scott grabs my arm and steers me out the door towards my jeep. He had placed my phone in some rice while I was freaking out about telling my dad.

I get behind the wheel and start up my jeep before realizing I still hadn’t sent my dad the text. As if he could read my mind, Scott tells me he already sent the message.

While driving my thoughts return to the text Derek had sent me right before I’d dropped my phone. _Was Derek really curious about the nature of my thoughts? Was he just kidding? Was his response a light hearted one that didn’t really require a response? Why can’t Derek be one of those people who gives an answer that is completely serious and completely honest? After all Derek has always been one to be vague and distant in his interactions. Everyone has to basically beg him for a true answer._

“Stiles. Where’d you go man?” Scott’s voice breaks through my thoughts.

“Wha. Nowhere. I’m right here.” I stammer.

We arrive at school and I jump out of the jeep hoping that school will take my mind off things. In all my worries about the text I seemed to have forgotten that Scott isn’t one to let things go easily if he thinks something is off.

“Stiles, would you just stop for a second?” Scott runs up and grabs my arm to stop me.

“Look. I’m fine Scott. Okay?”

“You are not fine. There is obviously something bothering you. I’m your best friend. We tell each other everything.”

“Scott. I said I was fine. Just worrying about first day of senior year.” I shrug off his concern.

“Dude. It’s school. I’m usually the one who worries about school because of my grades. Why are you worried?” Scott chuckles softly and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

“It’s senior year man. Next year we are going to be going off to different places and I’m worried we won’t see each other anymore. That we won’t stay friends.” I sigh.

“Stiles. We will always be friends. You’re my brother and nothing will ever change that.” Scott turns to look me in the eye before hugging me. “Let’s get to class before we are marked late.”

“Yeah.” I respond taking the time to wrap my arm around Scott’s shoulder. _What was I so worried about? Scott was always gonna be my bro. Like he said, nothing will change that._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s lunch before Scott and I really have another chance to talk to each other. Which is fine, gives me more time to calm down and stop thinking about Derek. An action that is easier said than done, but I somehow manage. It doesn’t help that there is something freaky going on with a new girl named Tracy. I seriously think that now Scott is a werewolf no school year will ever be “normal” again.

The lunch room is packed, per usual, but I make my way to our table in the back. Scott moves his bag from my seat as I approach. Even though no one sits with us he still does this out of habit. When we were freshmen we learned quickly that if we put our bags in the seats next to us it would prevent Jackson and his buddies on the lacrosse team from sitting down and tormenting us. Now our table group has grown from just Scott and me to include Lydia, Malia, and Kira. Still Scott places his bag in my seat until I arrive. Old habits die hard I guess.

“So Stiles why would Derek be texting me asking if you were okay?” Scott starts in the minute I put my food on the table and sit down.

“Well maybe because he texted me this morning and I dropped my phone in juice before I got the chance to answer.” I choke out, hoping no one noticed my slight eye bulge, internal freak out.

“Why would you and Derek be texting? I thought you hate the guy.” Malia asks.

“Hate is such a strong word.” I try to divert.

“If I remember correctly not long after I was bitten you would constantly say how much you hated the guy so technically you did hate him at one time.” Scott adds.

“Scott, that was like 2 years ago. I slowly worked towards tolerating the guy.”

“Tolerating is still a little shy of texting the guy. I mean he left Beacon Hills and has nothing to do with us anymore. It’s not like we need his help for a supernatural occurrence or whatever.” Lydia decides to put in her two cents worth. I love the girl, but sometimes she needed to just stop being so logical.

“If you really must know we were texting because I texted him asking him where he went. He wouldn’t answer my question, in true Derek fashion and then we talked a bit about how much I annoy him.” I decide to tell a half-truth to get them all to stop looking at me inquisitively and silently judging.

“Whatever.” Malia says shortly and returns to her lunch.

The rest of lunch goes on without any more talk of Derek and why he texted me. When I finished my lunch I start to get up to walk back to class. Malia sees me leaving and says that she will walk with me. I smile and agree, but in my heart I know that I need to have a discussion with her about where our relationship stands.

“So we need to talk.” Malia states just outside the door to my classroom.

“What do you mean?” I feign ignorance.

“You were texting Derek and you were very vague about why. I think you were really talking with him about our relationship because he’s an outsider who has no stake in the matter.” Malia says in the most serious voice I have ever heard from her.

“I swear we weren’t talking about my relationship with you because I don’t know what I would need to talk to him about.” I stumble through my words in an attempt to hide my dissatisfaction with the relationship.

“Come on Stiles. I’m not stupid. I may have lived half my life as a coyote but, I still know when people aren’t really into doing something. You’ve been distant about our relationship for months now. You can try and claim it’s because you’re worried about us separating after graduation, but I know that it’s more than that. It’s felt like the relationship is completely one sided for some time. My only question is why?”

I stand there shuffling my feet for some time before realizing I need to come clean. I sigh and say, “Look, Malia I really like you. I do. I just don’t know why I’m not as excited about this relationship as you are. I love spending time with you and kissing you, but I feel like I have to motivate myself to actually put forth the dating effort. I don’t know why. I really don’t. You’re the first serious relationship I’ve ever had and maybe I just don’t know how to do relationships like ours.”

“Well if it’s just insecurity about your ability to do a relationship with me then maybe we should work a bit more at it.” Malia says softly as she places her hand on my shoulder in what is meant to be comforting.

“Relationships should have to be “worked” in order to work. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.” I reply stepping away from her touch.

“You said it yourself that you really enjoy kissing me. Doesn’t that tell you that we can work if we try?”

“Malia, kissing is only a small part of what makes a relationship a relationship. There needs to be more than just kissing for it to work.”

“Why? People do sex relationships and those work out fine.”

“Sex relationships are totally different.”

“How?”

“They are all about filling a specific need and desire without the baggage of actually caring about someone or putting in an effort to truly communicate.”

“Well maybe we should just do a sex relationship then.” Malia deadpans logically.

“WHA?!” I sputter, my face going beet red in embarrassment. I look around the hall to make sure no one else heard Malia.

“Well it seems like the logical thing to do for our situation.” Malia reasons with a shrug.

“How? I didn’t say that all I wanted was sex, which I don’t by the way, I said that I didn’t feel that our connection was strong enough to make it more than a platonic friendship.”

“So you are really just wanting to break up. You don’t want to try and make this work?”

“I’m really sorry, Malia. It’s probably for the best.” I place my hand on her shoulder in comfort before turning around and going into my class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the end of school it had reached Scott that Malia and I had broken up. He intercepted me at my locker to tell me what he thought about it.

“Dude! You broke up with Malia?! WHY? She is amazing and wonderful and you guys mesh well together. Don’t you wanna have the option of double dating with me and Kira?”

“Wow, buddy I’m so glad to hear that you are there for me in this situation instead of looking out for yourself.” I snark at him, somewhat annoyed.

“Yo! Stiles come on. I was only kidding about the double date part. I was trying to make a positive reason for dating someone. You wanna talk about why you guys broke up? I thought you were happy together.” Scott says, his face looking a bit sad.

“It just wasn’t working out. End of story.” I say dismissively as I slam my locker closed.

“Oh come on. I’m your best bro you know you can tell me anything.” Scott whines as he follows me out to my Jeep.

“You’re right, Scott.” I say, stopping and turning to face him, “I was not that into Malia as it turns out so we broke up. End. Of. Story.”


	2. Weird Happenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weird things start to happen in Beacon Hills, weirder than normal.

“But you guys have been together for a while now. You were great together. What changed?” Scott continues to batter me with questions as we enter my house.

I continue to ignore him. I’m trying to make my point that I don’t want to talk about it.

“Is Derek the reason you broke up with her?” Scott says as he plops down on my couch, turning on the gaming console.

“WHA? Derek has nothing to do with anything. I told you guys at lunch we were only texting because I was curious where he went. Nothing more. Nothing less.” I grab my phone out of the rice on the counter in the kitchen and a couple sodas from the fridge and join Scott on the couch.

I hand him a soda and we start playing. I don’t even look at my phone until I hear the chime that indicates it’s turning on. Scott is too engrossed in the game to notice. He doesn’t even realize I’ve stopped playing until he manages to kill my player.

“Dude. You zoned out on me and let me kill you.” Scott says incredulously.

“Oh. Sorry.” I say, distracted by the barrage of texts from Derek that have suddenly appeared on my phone’s screen.

FROM: SourWolf 8:20am

**Stiles? You there?**

FROM: SourWolf 8:25am

**Look Stiles I was just kidding with that text. Don’t go all spazzy on me and not respond. I was trying to make a joke. Obviously I failed. EPICLY!**

FROM: SourWolf 10:15am

**Okay so I texted Scott and asked him. He said you were fine. Why aren’t you answering my texts then?**

FROM: SourWolf 12:10pm

**Okay. I’ll take a hint. Bye Stiles.**

With reading the last text I flail a bit knocking my controller to the ground and almost knocking Scott in the face in the process. I fumble with my phone trying to get my spastic body to cooperate. I don’t want Derek to think I “left him” so to speak. I finally manage to take a deep breath and calm down enough to start a new text.

TO: SourWolf 3:46pm

**Hey. So spastic me dropped my phone in some juice this morning and it was out of commission until now. Don’t think I’m ignoring you. I am totally not dude. That’s not to say I wasn’t shocked by your text. It may have kinda been why I dropped my phone into juice. You don’t really say much, EVER and then you TRY to convey humor like that? You need to work on the delivery buddy. Seriously. Okay gonna shut up now.**

FROM: SourWolf 3:49pm

**Good to know your phone is okay.**

TO: SourWolf 3:50pm

**Seriously?**

FROM: SourWolf 3:50pm

**What?**

TO: SourWolf 3:51pm

**There you go again only responding to one little thing.**

FROM: SourWolf 3:52pm

**Stiles. I didn’t even read most of that text because it was unnecessary rambling.**

TO: SourWolf 3:54pm

**HEY! It was not unnecessary.**

FROM: SourWolf 3:55pm

**Whatever you say Stiles.**

I was so wrapped up in my texting Derek I didn’t even see Scott aim a pillow at my head. The pillow hit me just as I heard Scott finish saying my name. I look up, still scowling from Derek’s text. Scott looks at my scowl and his puppy dog energy suddenly flows from his face. He starts to look guilty. Realizing my mistake I quickly smile and wrestle him off the couch and onto the ground.

“You think you can throw a pillow at me and not expect retaliation?” I growl as I try my hardest to pin him.

“Well you weren’t playing video games anymore. I had to get your attention somehow.” Scott grunts as he flips me over and pins me.

We stare at each other for a long while just breathing heavily and smiling like this was our only care in the world. Scott breaks it by climbing off of me and leaning against the couch, chest still heaving.

“I’m sorry.” Scott breathes.

“Why are you sorry?” I reply moving to sit next to him.

“I spent all summer with Kira and you had to deal with where you and Malia stood without help from me.” Scott says in the most serious voice I’ve heard from him in a long time.

“Dude. It’s totally fine. Besides you aren’t much help when it comes to girls. You barely know how to not get completely sucked into your relationships. How could you possibly know how to help me out?”

“I know stuff.” Scott sputters.

I start to laugh and Scott soon follows. It was nice to laugh with my best friend again. It had been almost two years since we could laugh this freely without worrying about anything supernatural. Little did we know everything was about to change.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later Scott and I were leaving a detention that we hadn’t deserved, but Coach gave us anyways. We were crossing the courtyard towards the parking lot. Suddenly there was a creature attacking Scott. This guy had huge talons that looked to belong to some eagle or falcon or something. The weirdest thing was that they glowed. I was trying my best to help Scott, but there wasn’t much I could do.

Suddenly there was a third person involved in the fighting. He looked to be a high school student, but I had never seen him before. He and Scott managed to stop the creature from seriously hurting them. Scott was about to subdue the creature and call in Deaton when the newly arrived stranger whips out his claws and slashes his throat.

It was like watching a slow motion sequence in a movie.

The, still nameless, kid kills the creature and turns to face Scott. Scott looks from the dead body to the new kid. Scott then rushes forward and slams the kid against the wall of the underpass. Then Scott is flashing his Alpha eyes and screaming at the kid. The kid seems to submit to Scott and places his hands up in surrender as he pulls back the transformation. Scott sees the kid return to normal and he pulls back his own transformation.

“You just killed him! Are you crazy?!” Scott yells at the kid.

“You didn’t. Are _you_ crazy?” the kid counters back.

I decide at that moment to open my big mouth. Okay so everyone knows I don’t really have a filter but, still we didn’t know this kid and by the looks of it he was either a Beta or Omega werewolf. Being a werewolf meant he was encroaching on Scott’s territory, being as Scott is our pack’s Alpha.

“Dude. Who are you anyways?” I ask stepping up next to Scott.

“Who do you think you are, Stiles?” the kid scowls at me like I interrupted something.

“I asked first. Do you always answer a question with a question? How do you know my name? What are you trying to hide?” I spit at him. Scott places a hand on my shoulder to both reel me in and shut me up.

Scott then turns to the kid and asks, “Who are you?”

“Don’t you recognize me? We were friends back in the 4th grade. My name is Theo. Theo Raeken.” Theo says stepping forward as if to hug Scott, but instead puts out his hand for a shake.

Scott looks at him and then at his hand and then at me. I silently tell him the guy is not to be trusted. Scott seems to have missed my message though because he turns back to Theo and grabs his hand in a shake.

“I’m Scott. I’m the Alpha of the Beacon Hills pack.”

“I was looking for a pack and that’s when I heard that you were running the show down here. That’s why I showed up. I figured you’d let me join your pack. What do ya say?” Theo gives Scott a grin that I can see right through. He is lying about something and I don’t trust him.

“Um. I would have to check with the rest of my pack.” Scott replies after looking my way and seeing my unease about it all.

“That’s fine. I’ll see you around Scott. Stiles.” Theo waves and then leaves.

After Theo is out of sight Scott turns to me looking a bit put off, which for him is strange. Scott is always this happy little puppy dog and to see him slightly angry worries me a bit.

“What is wrong with you Stiles? He’s just a kid.” Scott says a little too firmly for my taste.

“I don’t trust him. There is something off about the guy.” I shrug, but stand my ground about my distrust of the guy. I remember from experience that Scott is more likely to trust first ask questions later so one of us has to be logical about it all.

“It’s Theo. Remember him? He would play cops and robbers with us in the fourth grade. We’d hang out with him all the time after school.” Scott points out.

“So. That was like 8 years ago Scott. We are all really different people since then. He’s also a werewolf in case you missed that. How did he become one? Whose pack was he a part of? I don’t trust him and I don’t think you should either. I vote for not letting him into our pack.”

“Stiles you never trust anyone.”

“Because you trust _everyone_ bro. I mean sure things worked out fine when you trusted Derek, but at the time he was a suspected murderer.”

“Dude, I am pretty sure things are fine with Theo.”

“I get a weird vibe from the guy. But you do whatever you want. You’re the Alpha. Speaking of which, what are you going to do about him?” I say shrugging towards the body of the dead creature that had attacked him.

“Can you help me get it to Deaton?” Scott turns to me with puppy dog eyes.

“In my jeep? I don’t think so buddy. He has lots of black goo and shit coming out of him. I say we leave him here.”

“We can’t just leave him here, Stiles. What are the police going to think when they find him?”

“Considering my dad is the police I’m sure he will explain it somehow.”

While Scott and I were arguing the area got dark all of a sudden and a chill came over the air. Scott and I stop talking and look around. Sudden darkness and a chill never bodes well with Beacon Hills. It usually means something is about to happen. Sure enough a few moments later Scott and I turn and see as well as hear this group of three men in space looking suits making this weird buzzing noise as they walked.

They didn’t even look at us as they surrounded the creature lying on the ground. Then a few moments later I heard on of them say in a mechanical voice “Subject is terminal”. Then they stab the guy with some blade sort of thing. It was totally unnecessary because, come on, the guy was already dead. Then they grabbed the body and took off with it. To be honest, they seemed to only walk a few feet before they vanished into thin air. Talk about weird, even by Beacon Hills’ standards.

Scott doesn’t say a word, instead he walks over to the spot where the creature had been and crouched down to examine the ground. He dips his fingers into what appears to be a pool of blood. However, he looks confused and then turns to me. Without even asking I approach him to get a closer look.

“What is this?” Scott asks.

“Mercury, or so it seems” I reply reaching down and touching some myself.

“Why would that thing have mercury in it?”

“Maybe he didn’t and those other guys, whatever they are, do.”

“Does this mean that something supernatural is happening here again?” Scott says barely above a whisper.

“Until something else like this happens I am going to say no. Come on, Scotty. Let’s go home.”

“Yeah. I guess” Scott says vaguely as we walk towards my jeep. He keeps looking back at the pool of mercury though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night I am lying in bed trying to sleep, but unable to stop thinking about all the weird events that occurred earlier. Then I remember Derek’s words to me a few days ago about being able to text him whenever I couldn’t sleep.

TO: SourWolf 12:47am

**Hey, SourWolf you awake?**

FROM: SourWolf 12:50am

**Stiles**

FROM: SourWolf 12:50am

**Yes I’m awake. What’s up?**

TO: SourWolf 12:52am

**So some weird shit happened tonight.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:53am

**It’s Beacon Hills weird shit is always happening.**

TO: SourWolf 12:53am

**But this was even weirder than usual.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:54am

**How?**

TO: SourWolf 12:56am

**First Scott and I were attacked by this creature, I would say it’s a werewolf but he had long ass talons. And get this, the talons GLOWED! Anyways, weird creature attacks Scott and then some random teen werewolf shows up and helps out. The guy claims to be some kid Scott and I knew back in the 4 th grade. **

FROM: SourWolf 12:57am

**I’ll admit that werewolf thing sounds weird, but not much weirder than usual. Just a different weird. Was the weird part the kid from 4 th grade?**

TO: SourWolf 12:58am

**No, though I found something off about him. Scott of course trusts him.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:00am

**Of course.**

TO: SourWolf 1:01am

**The weirdest part about tonight though wasn’t the weird talons creature or the random re-appearance of Theo, kid from 4 th grade. The weirdest part were these men in spacey type suit things that appeared suddenly and buzzed as they walked. They went up to the talon creature and stabbed him with something while saying “Subject is terminal”. Then they took the guy with them and disappeared. It was WEIRD!**

FROM: SourWolf 1:03am

**Maybe it was a one-time thing. Maybe they were after that guy specifically.**

TO: SourWolf 1:04am

**Yeah and maybe I’m the President of the United States.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:05am

**I take it you don’t believe it was a coincidence?**

TO: SourWolf 1:05am

**Wow! Nothing gets past you!**

FROM: SourWolf 1:06am

**Someone is grumpy.**

TO: SourWolf 1:07am

**It’s just I messaged you because I figured you would agree that tonight’s occurrences were weird and strange. Worth looking into.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:08am

**I can get in contact with my contacts and see if anyone has heard of these things.**

TO: SourWolf 1:09am

**REALLY?! That would be totally awesome. I don’t have much to look at when it comes to research. The internet is a terrible place to go for this kind of stuff. If you could help out that would be great. I could even tell Scotty you are on the case.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:10am

**NO! You leave me out of this. I will help but, not if you are going to tell Scott. I am not a part of Beacon Hills anymore. Don’t drag me back in more than I want to. I am willing to research that is it!**

TO: SourWolf 1:12am

**Okay. Don’t be such a SourWolf!**

FROM: SourWolf 1:12am

**Smh**

TO: SourWolf 1:13am

**Someone learned text speak! YAS!**

FROM: SourWolf 1:13am

**I’ve always known it. I just prefer to spell out what I am saying.**

TO: SourWolf 1:15am

**Whatever. U just wish 2 B cool like me.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:15am

**Stiles, please don’t revert to stupid talk. We were doing so well.**

TO: SourWolf 1:16am

**HAHA I made you roll your eyes. Didn’t I?**

FROM: SourWolf 1:16am

**No**

TO: SourWolf 1:17am

**I SO DID!**

FROM: SourWolf 1:18am

**Good night Stiles**

TO: SourWolf 1:19am

**Good night D. Thanks for listening.**

I put my phone down and rolled over falling asleep almost immediately. Something about talking with Derek always eased the mess of thoughts in my head. I fell asleep so quickly I didn’t even see Derek’s last text.

FROM: SourWolf 1:21am

**Any time.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the wait guys. I seriously hope that I can keep up the once every week or 2 weeks schedule, but I am a semester away from Student Teaching and that means classes this semester are gonna kick my butt!


	3. Confusion

A few weeks later showed that things were not getting better, instead they were getting worse. That girl I mentioned from the first day, Tracy, well she starts acting weird again so Scott asked Lydia to keep an eye on her. Scott even goes so far as to introduce himself to her, by himself I mean his true self. His werewolf self. She of course freaks out and looks at me as if to ask if I was gonna turn into something.

“Totally and 100% human.” I tell Tracy.

“What am I?” Tracy asks, clearly terrified.

“We don’t know, but we are going to do everything we can to help you.” Scott reassures her in the way only he knows how.

“How can you help me? I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.” Tracy says on the verge of crying.

Both Scott and I look at each other hoping to find the answer she needs to hear. Unfortunately, neither of us has it. I am probably the only one close to having it through my contact with Derek. However, he still hasn’t found an answer to any of this.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Later that afternoon I am working on my homework in my room when I feel like I am being watched. I stop typing to try and hear better. The house is so silent I could hear a pin drop, which is so cliché but whatever. My brain starts to panic which causes my breathing to become irregular. I can feel the panic attack coming on so I stand up from my desk to try and allow more air to get in. It doesn’t help much so I place my hands out in front of me trying to focus on them and count my fingers. It doesn’t work. None of my usual tricks are working.

Suddenly I feel a stranger’s hands grasp my shoulders and spin me around. I am suddenly in a strong muscly embrace. It’s obviously not Scott because I’ve hugged him before and this felt nothing like him. Before I could really try and figure out who it was hugging me the stranger loosens their grip and then presses their lips to mine. The kiss causes me to stop breathing. In fact, it causes me to stop panicking all together. The last time this worked it was Junior year and Lydia was kissing me. This time, it definitely wasn’t Lydia and I definitely didn’t mind it.

My mind goes blank as my lips start to react to the kiss. However, before I can really get into the kissing said stranger pulls away and his touch leaves me entirely. I shake my head in order to get it past the fog of shock. I look in front of me but, no one is there. I wildly spin around looking at all angles of my room. When my gaze hits my bed I see him. Derek Hale.

Derek Hale is sitting on the corner of my bed with his head looking down at the floor. His knee is shaking and if I didn’t know better I would say the normally cool and collected pack leader is a bundle of nerves. For some reason I can’t help but feel slightly attracted to this more vulnerable form of him. He doesn’t say anything or even look at me. So I take the plunge and address him.

“Wha?!” I manage to squeak. At least that gets Derek to look up.

Derek doesn’t respond. He just stares at me now instead of the floor.

I try again, “What was that, Derek?”

“You were having a panic attack.” Derek shrugs, continuing to stare me down.

“So you KISS ME?” I ask sternly and flail my arms trying to make a point.

“It worked when you were the Nogitsune” Derek says matter-of-factly.

“THAT WAS LYDIA!” I scream.

“I think your real issue with this is because it wasn’t as bad as you thought kissing a guy could be.” Derek smirks.

“Wha? Psh. No.” I stammer.

“Prove it. Kiss me without it meaning anything.” Derek challenges me.

“Okay I will. It’s gonna be so not okay.” I mumble as I step closer to Derek.

I come within touching distance of him and he stands up. We are now breathing each other’s air. I lick my lips trying to get up the nerve to kiss him. It’s suddenly stifling and I feel like there is a weight on my chest. I take a deep breath and lean forward.

 

I suddenly wake up as I fall out of bed and onto the floor. I look out my window. The world is dark. I then look at my clock. 12:43am. My textbook is open at the end of my bed. I must have fallen asleep while studying. I take a deep breath to try and steady my rapidly beating heart.

I pull out my phone intending to text Scott and see if he is still awake. However, I find myself opening my text conversation with Derek instead. My thumb hovers over the keyboard for a long time before I work up the nerve to type something.

TO: SourWolf 12:46am

**Hey.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:46am

**Stiles. I swear to God if you just texted me at 12:45am to talk small talk I am going to rip your throat out with my teeth.**

TO: SourWolf 12:47am

**Somebody is cranky.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:48am

**Stiles. IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Do you want something?**

TO: SourWolf 12:49am

**Weeeeellllll….**

FROM: SourWolf 12:50am

**Stiles that is something you need to take up with your girlfriend. Not me.**

TO: SourWolf 12:52am

**Umm. Malia and I broke up.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:52am

**Oh. I’m sorry.**

TO: SourWolf 12:53am

**Why are you sorry?**

FROM: SourWolf 12:54am

**Because break ups suck.**

TO: SourWolf 12:56am

**Yeah.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:56am

**Do you want to talk about it?**

TO: SourWolf 12:57am

**I’m just so confused all the time. I don’t know what I want or even if I already have what I want. I broke up with Malia because I felt I had to work too hard to even be motivated to spend time with her.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:59am

**Maybe taking a step back is what you both need. Get through the stresses of senior year and you may realize that you actually want to be with her. Just take the time to focus on yourself. You can’t try to understand someone else’s needs if you don’t even understand your own.**

TO: SourWolf 1:00am

**……..This is me shocked at your use of so many words. Who knew**

FROM: SourWolf 1:01am

**Stiles. I am trying to give you some serious advice and you make it a joke.**

TO: SourWolf 1:02am

**Look. I use sarcasm and humor as a self-defense. You and I are very similar in that we don’t like to talk about our feelings with other people. The conversation was getting too far into that territory that I had to reel it back.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:04am

**So…how are the Mets?**

TO: SourWolf 1:05am

**Aww valiant effort on changing the subject. The Mets are done with their season now. They finished strong though. I’m happy about that at least.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:05am

**See I changed the subject didn’t I?**

TO: SourWolf 1:06am

**Yeah.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:06am

**What else is bothering you? I know you don’t want to talk about your feelings but, you obviously have something else bothering you.**

TO: SourWolf 1:07am

**It’s just the residual feelings of frustration over not knowing what I want. Look I’m gonna go to bed.**

FROM: SourWolf 1:07am

**Night Stiles. Remember I’m here anytime.**

 

I didn’t respond to his last text because it was a good bye. No need to drag that on forever. Besides, I couldn’t truly tell him what was bothering me because if I did he’d never speak to me again. That was something I wasn’t willing to risk. Sure Derek and I were not best friends, but it has been nice having him around for late night chats when my brain just won’t shut off. He’s better at stopping the thought train than Scott. So that’s a plus. Also, I feel that lately Scott and I have been drifting. I know it’s because I tend to internalize all my feelings, but that’s only because as much as I lend a listening ear to all my friends I’m not sure they’d do the same for me. They care, but not as fiercely as I do. It’s kind of an annoying balance sometimes. Especially these days when I have so many conflicting thoughts running through my head and I just need someone there to bounce the thoughts off of. Having Derek there in that capacity is great, but when my conflicting thoughts involve him it’s harder.

Instead I head downstairs to hopefully find something that will turn off my brain. I am almost to the kitchen before I realize that the light is on. This means my father is home from work. Sure enough, I walk into the kitchen and he is sitting at the table reading over some files and nursing a shot of Whiskey. He looks up when he hears me walk in.

“Hey son. What are you still doing up?” my dad’s voice is hoarse from exhaustion.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I shrug as I sit down next to him.

“Want me to make your mom’s tea that always helps you sleep?” dad asks placing his warm hand on my shoulder.

“Sure. If it’s not too much trouble.” I stumble through my words, the physical exhaustion getting to me.

“You know your mom was always so patient with your insomnia. There are times when I know you are up but I don’t bother coming to you because I don’t have the patience to deal with it.”

“I know. You are more the disciplinarian, always have been. Mom was great at the comfort stuff. I really miss it sometimes.”

“Stiles, I’m sorry.” Dad sighs.

I look up from the table before replying, “Why? What do you have to be sorry about?”

“Your mom dying and me not trying harder to fill the space.” Dad sighs again and rubs his hand over his face.

“Dad, you didn’t have to try any harder than you did. Nothing can ever replace mom. I will sometimes miss her and so will you. We just deal and try to keep living our lives.” I decide to stand up and approach him.

“We should have talked about it more when it happened instead of bottling it up and burying it.” He looks me in the eyes and for the first time ever I can see the deep sadness he feels and the exhaustion over bottling it inside.

I reach over and hug my father tight while telling him “I don’t think we were truly ready to talk about it until now. It isn’t a bad thing that we didn’t talk until now, almost 8 years later. It’s just good that we are talking.”

“I’m really sorry if you ever felt you couldn’t come to me to talk about it.”

“Dad. I didn’t want to talk about it either. I preferred to bury it down as if it didn’t even happen.”

“But it did happen.”

“Yeah and honestly I don’t think about it that much but, tonight I was really missing her because of issues with my own friends and my relationship with Malia. I just miss that I could talk to her about anything and she’d always have a solution.” I respond, dipping my head to avoid continuing to look at my dad.

“You could try talking to me about it.” Dad says ruffling my hair like he used to when I was a kid.

“Nah, I think I am ready for bed now. I’m glad we talked though.” I skirt away from confessing all my confusing feelings.

I start to walk back up the stairs when I hear my father call me back. I turn and look at him, “yeah dad?”

“You can come to me about any problem you are having. I won’t judge you or criticize you. Unless it’s something that breaks the law, then my job takes over being a parent. But in all seriousness. I am here if you ever need anything.”

“Thanks dad.”

I continue back up the stairs, thinking about my confusing dream involving Derek. Could I really trust my dad not to freak out? I wasn’t sure and that alone is what kept me from running back down the stairs and confessing my soul to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took me almost a month to update this. My life got crazy hectic all of a sudden and writing had to take a back burner. I promise things have slowed down now and I can write on a regular schedule again. 
> 
> Up Next:  
> Stiles and his father deal with a problem.


	4. Important Talks and Theo Saves the Day *Again*

Saturday morning. I love Saturday mornings because it usually means my dad and I get to share a big breakfast together and then laze around all day. Once a month he has a shift on a Saturday but, that weekend was not this weekend. I wake up to the smells of bacon and pancakes cooking in the kitchen. I immediately jump out of bed, not because the food excites me but because I know my dad will ruin the food if I don’t get there soon.

“Dad! You can’t just place the pancake batter and walk away! It has to be flipped.” I scream at my dad as I grab the spatula and attempt to flip the pancakes cooking.

“Sorry, I thought you let it cook til both sides are brown.” Dad shrugs.

“Dad! You are hopeless. There’s a reason mom never let you in the kitchen and why I always cook.” I sigh.

“I thought I would help you out since you’ve been stressed lately.” Dad comes over to me and places a hand on my shoulder.

“Aw. Thanks dad! This stresses me out more though.” I say with a chuckle.

There is a moment of silence between us as I take the pancakes off the griddle.

“Stiles can we talk for a second?”

“We were talking.” I say, not looking at my dad.

“You know what I mean.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I am just stressing about senior year.”

Dad is about to answer but then his phone rings. He leaves the room to talk but still gives me a look that says our conversation isn’t over. I hear his muffled conversation as I prepare our breakfast plates. I try to think of something I can say to dissuade him from continuing our previous conversation. I am coming up empty handed when he comes back. His previously chipper and excited stature is replaced with one that is tired and haggard.

“What’s going on?” I ask concerned.

“Deputy Parrish just called to tell me they are bringing in a kid who I’ve been trying to help. I used to work with his dad.” Dad says, rubbing his face.

“Are you still going to help him?”

“I told him the last time we brought him in that the next time I would put him in jail. I just hoped I’d never have to do it.”

“So you have to go in?” I ask, moving towards the cupboard to grab a container for his breakfast.

“Yeah, I’m sorry kiddo.” My dad claps his hand on my shoulder and gives me a genuinely sorry look.

“It’s fine. I’ll wrap up some breakfast so you can take it with you.”

“We will watch a game together next weekend. I promise.”

“Sounds good dad.”

My dad leaves a few minutes later and I am left in an eerily silent house. I suddenly don’t know what to do with my day. I had actually been looking forward to spending time with my dad after all that had been happening with the weird ass killer dudes. Even if I didn’t want to talk about my super confusing feelings right now, I still knew that being with my dad would help me figure out some things.

So, being left with nothing to do I do the first thing that comes to mind; I text Derek.

TO: SourWolf 10:23am

**Don’t you just hate it when parents say they are going to spend the day with you but have to bail because of work?**

TO: SourWolf 10:24am

**HOLY SHIT! I totally forgot. You know what. Ignore me and my stupid mouth. I mean I should have remembered that you are part of the “dead parents club”. Before you say anything, yes that really is a thing. It sucks not having a mom, but I’m sure it sucks more that you don’t have a mom or dad.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:30am

**Dammit Stiles. 1. Hi to you too. 2. it’s too early for your babbling shit. 3. My parents died when I was 16 so I still have many experiences with parents bailing on plans and shit.**

TO: SourWolf 10:31am

**Sorry. Enjoy your Saturday.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:32am

**Now wait. Don’t go all mopey because I sort of yelled at you. It’s just early on a weekend and I actually have a day off so I kinda wanted to sleep in.**

TO: SourWolf 10:33am

**You work? As in you have a real job?**

FROM: SourWolf 10:34am

**No a fake one. ;D**

TO: SourWolf 10:34am

**You just made a joke AND used an emoticon. I am very proud of you SourWolf.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:35am

**I do know how to do both. So what happened with your dad that had you so upset?**

FROM: SourWolf 10:37am

**Stiles? You there?**

TO: SourWolf 10:39am

**Yeah I’m here. I’m just trying to figure out the best way to answer that. I am used to my dad being called into work. This time it was different. I haven’t really wanted to really talk to him lately, hidden thoughts and all that, but I was really looking forward to today. Even his police questioning and seeing right through my bullshit during breakfast didn’t change my desire to spend time with him. I am so sick of all these conflicting thoughts.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:40am

**Wow. Okay. That’s a lot.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:40am

**Maybe you are feeling a bit lonely and left out in your social life and so you crave attention and validation from your dad.**

TO: SourWolf 10:43am

**Well holy fuck big guy! You really do have a brain inside that head of yours.**

TO: SourWolf 10:43am

**Wait. How did you know I was feeling lonely and left out in my social life?**

FROM: SourWolf 10:44am

**You spend a lot of time talking to me these days. Even though you don’t say it I can read between the lines. Whenever we talk you don’t ever talk about Scott or Malia, which I know you broke up with her. You sometimes mention Lydia, but it seems to me that they aren’t really around lately.**

TO: SourWolf 10:45am

**You understand me better than I thought you did.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:45am

**We don’t have to keep talking about your feelings if you don’t want.**

TO: SourWolf 10:46am

**Then what would we talk about?**

FROM: SourWolf 10:48am

**I found out what those space suit dudes are.**

TO: SourWolf 10:49am

**REALLY?! That’s totally AWESOME!**

FROM: SourWolf 10:50am

**They are called Dread Doctors. I’m not sure their purpose but, my contact was able to give me a name. They seemed a bit terrified though.**

I am just about to text Derek back when my doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone so, I’m a bit curious about who it is. I rush to the door and swing it open. On my doorstep is the girl I used to be obsessed with, a one Lydia Martin.

“Hey Lydia. What’s up?” I say breathlessly.

“Oh not much. I just hadn’t seen much of you this year so I thought I would swing by.” Lydia says matter-of-factly as she sweeps past me into my living room.

“Umm…I’ve been busy.” I say, biting my bottom lip.

“Right.” Lydia says, giving me a hard look, “Listen Stiles. I know you have been distancing yourself from us and I think I know why.”

“Okay then why have I been distancing myself from you?” I shoot back, a bit defensively.

“You lied when you said you’d only had small amounts of contact with Derek around the first week of school when it came up. Then you lied about the nature of your contact with him. Then you broke up with Malia because it was “too much work to make it work”. Finally, you have been avoiding Scott and I like the plague. The real reason behind all those lies and distancing methods is because you have feelings for Derek and you don’t know what to do about those feelings and you’re worried how we will feel about those feelings. Am I right?”

“How the fuck do you know all that shit?”

“I know you. Stiles, you are the most transparent person I know. Sure you don’t actually talk about stuff like your feelings, you prefer to internalize, but I notice. Scott does too, usually. Lately he’s been worried about these killer guys. So yeah. I pick up on the things you leave unsaid. I was going to let it go because I figured eventually you would talk to me about it. However, you didn’t so I took matters into my own hands.” Lydia gracefully sits down on our couch and looks at me pointedly.

“Speaking of the killer guys, Derek said they are called Dread Doctors.” I reply, avoiding all the truths she has spoken about me in the last ten minutes.

“What else does he say about them?” Lydia asks, scooting to the edge of the couch cushion.

“Nothing. He said he couldn’t get more than a name out of his contact. Said his contact was acting terrified though.” I nervously bite my thumb.

Lydia opens her mouth to respond when I get another ping from my phone. A text message, most likely from Derek. My phone is on the table next to the couch though and Lydia is closer. Before I can reach for it she grabs it.

“From SourWolf. Ooo that means Derek. He says, ‘Stiles are you okay? You haven’t answered me in like 15 minutes and it’s not like you said bye. Please tell me you are okay. I don’t want to have to call your dad concerned.’ Why would Derek Hale be texting you a text voicing concern?” Lydia looks up deviously, “If not because you guys have long meaningful conversations together.” She looks back at my phone and I just know she is scrolling through text messages.

“Lydia! Give me back my phone. Those texts are none of your concern.” I reach for my phone but, Lydia moves it out of my reach.

“Stiles, you and Derek text almost every day.” Lydia looks up from my phone incredulously.

“Yeah. Well. I feel calmer when I text with him. Like my brain slows down and I can actually relax. It’s crazy.” I confess.

“Why didn’t you come to me about these feelings? You know I would never judge you and unlike Scott I know how to stop and think logically in times of shock.” Lydia hands me back my phone and scoots closer to me as a show of comfort.

“To be honest I haven’t told anybody. I don’t talk about my feelings very much.” I whisper before getting up, feeling too overwhelmed with her concern.

“I know.” Lydia replies and gets up from the couch herself. “I am gonna go. You need to reply to Derek and remember I’m always around if you need me.”

We hug and then she leaves. I wander back to the couch and pull out my phone to finally reply to Derek’s text.

TO: SourWolf 11:15am

**Sorry about the silence. Lydia came over and we talked. She is scary good at reading between the lines btw.**

FROM: SourWolf 11:16am

**Glad to hear you are okay. It’s also good you talked with someone besides me.**

TO: SourWolf 11:16am

**What’s wrong with talking to you?**

FROM: SourWolf 11:17am

**Because I’m not in Beacon Hills but Scott and Lydia are.**

TO: SourWolf 11:19am

**You know how to change that.**

FROM: SourWolf 11:20am

**As good as it would be to be able to be there for you in person I can’t return to Beacon Hills. Not yet.**

TO: SourWolf 11:21am

**Why not?**

FROM: SourWolf 11:25am

**I just can’t. Look I gotta go. Glad you and Lydia talked.**

TO: SourWolf 11:26am

**Talk with you later.**

**\---------------------------------------**

A few nights later Scott calls me telling me that Lydia has a lead on Tracy, she had been missing for about 24 hours. He asks me to come pick him up at the Animal Clinic and then head over to the Sheriff Station. I said I would and I run out to my ole faithful Jeep, Roscoe.

Roscoe’s engine turns over a few times before I get it going. My dad keeps telling me I need to give up on the Jeep and get a new one. Even Scott looks at its tape riddled under hood dubiously these days. I don’t pay any of them any mind because I love my Jeep, no matter how finicky it is.

Just as I am about to pull out of our driveway I hear a call come in over the scanner I have installed. The call says that a prison transfer van has been attacked and a prisoner, named Donovan, has escaped. I immediately begin to worry about my dad because this very prisoner had threatened to kill my dad when I was bringing the Sheriff his dinner last night. I decide to ring the Sheriff Station and try to talk with my dad.

“Beacon Hills Sheriff Station.” Karen Mills, one of my dad’s deputies answers.

“Hey Karen, its Stiles.” I say.

“Hey Stiles. Your dad isn’t here. He had to respond to a prison transfer attack. I could leave him a message though.” Karen replies without needing anything more out of me.

“Is he okay? I heard that transfer attack was pretty bad.”

“He should be fine. He’s just investigating the scene. No need to worry Stiles.”

“Thanks Karen. Bye.”

I hang up. I know I don’t have to worry, especially with Karen working. Karen has worked with my dad since before my mom died. She understands why I worry. This understanding makes her take on a tone that puts me at ease every time I talk to her. I also know that Karen will tell my dad I called as soon as he gets back and he will let me know he is okay.

I drive on to the Animal Clinic. I am hoping that Alan Deaton won’t be there. I know Scott loves and respects the man, but I find him extremely irritating. He never gives a straight answer. He’s like an Obi Wan to Scott’s Anakin. (Yes I am aware that Scott wouldn’t understand that reference). I make a mental note to tell Derek that analogy because I know he will get it and find it amusing.

Scott is standing outside when I pull up. The animal clinic is clearly closed. As I look at Scott I realize he isn’t standing there alone. Theo Raeken is there too. I grind my teeth and tighten my grip on the steering wheel as the two of them get in my jeep, but I don’t say anything. Scott picks up on my change in mood almost immediately. I am not sure if Theo does too, but either way he stays silent.

“What’s wrong?” Scott asks in his genuinely concerned voice.

I think about lying and making up some schtick about my dad but, I decide why bother.

“What is _he_ doing here?” I nod my head towards the back so there was no mistaking who I was talking about.

“Theo had some ideas about where to look for Tracy yesterday when she went missing. Then when Lydia called saying she, Malia, and Kira had found her headed towards the Sheriff Station, Theo was with me going over strategy for the killer dudes.” Scott answers me calmly.

“So you decided to invite him along to a fight that isn’t his concern?” I volley back vehemently.

“Stiles you can’t use that as an excuse to exclude him.” Scott replies getting upset now too.

“Why not? It’s what we say to our parents to keep them out of fights.”

“Because if we were to use that argument you couldn’t be included either.”

“What?! Are you kidding Scott? This is my concern just as much as it is yours.”

“No it’s not. You aren’t involved. You’re just my bro which makes you think you’re involved.”

“Oh so it’s because I’m human and Tracy is supernatural just like you, right?”

“No. It’s because you honestly have no stake in Tracy’s problem. You don’t even know her.”

“Whos fault is that Scott? I am always willing to help you out. I even managed to find out what the killer dudes are called. Did you once thank me for that?”

“I didn’t know you had found that out. You didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah I did. I texted you the information as soon as I found out.”

Scott stops arguing with me and pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his texts and discovers that he had indeed received the information from me via text.

“Sorry, Stiles. I must have missed that text.” Scott says, clearly sorry and clearly ready to end our disagreement. “Please don’t fight with me on this, Theo stays. He has some good ideas.”

“Fine Scott.” I don’t say anymore because I know fighting with Scott about why he shouldn’t trust Theo is going to get me nowhere.

We arrive at the Sheriff Station and I see two familiar cars; one is Lydia’s and the other is my dad’s squad car. I turn to Scott and say, “If it wasn’t my concern before it is now. Tracy has involved my dad.”

“You don’t know that Stiles.”

“His car is here and you know he doesn’t just stand by while shit goes down at his station.” I point out.

“Okay, let’s keep our heads about this.” Scott says evenly and I see him get a nod in response from Theo as I move to get out of the jeep. “Keep our heads, Stiles.” Scott adds grabbing at my arm to stop me.

“Got it chief. But if Tracy has my dad all bets are off.”

We walk into the Sheriff Station to a scene of chaotic proportions. Kira is off in the corner fighting Tracy, who now has a tail like a kanima. _When did that fucking happen?_ I think to myself. There are paralyzed deputies left and right. I swivel around quickly, searching frantically for my dad. I see Malia behind a desk trying her hardest to fight off the paralysis. There is a trail of blood leading to my dad’s office. My blood runs cold. I run towards his door praying against hope that he isn’t hurt, that it’s someone else’s blood.

I vaguely hear Scott call out my name, but I ignore him.

I run into my dad’s office and only get a step inside when I stop short. The blood trail stops at a body writhing on the floor in agony. I see Mrs. Martin on her knees holding her hands over a profusely bleeding wound. There is a deputy, Parrish I believe, at the victims head. I know immediately it isn’t my dad because the body is wearing jeans and my dad would have still been in uniform. Then Parrish stands up and moves further into the office to talk with my dad. That is when I see who it is and the color drains from my face. Sweet, fierce Lydia Martin is in immense pain and bleeding out on my dad’s office floor.

From behind me jumps someone who takes off a belt and wraps it around Lydia’s torso to try and lessen the bleeding. It takes a minute for the person to register and I see that it is Theo. Damn the guy may have just saved one of my best friends’ life but I still don’t trust him. I realize then that I am screaming because everyone is looking at me and I feel Scott pull me away from the scene of carnage. I distantly hear him try to comfort me and stop me from screaming.

Suddenly I do stop screaming, but not because Scott was soothing me but because I feel a panic attack coming on. I can’t breathe and everything around me is starting to blur. I know I am going to black out soon if the panic isn’t stopped. I feel a body from behind wrap me in a tight embrace. In my panicked state I think it is my dad. However, a few minutes later when I have finally calmed down enough to turn and see who it is I am once again met with Theo Raeken.

I am seething with anger and annoyance that Theo has saved the day multiple times in the last 24 hours. It’s making everyone else trust him and fail to see the manipulative person I know he really is. At least my gut knows it, I’ve yet to come across any proof.

The ambulance arrives and takes Lydia to the hospital. My dad comes over and checks me over for any injuries or lasting effects of my panic attack. Once he’s given me the okay to leave I turn to do so. Suddenly I find myself wrapped in an embrace with my dad.

“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you Stiles.”

I don’t respond because I was thinking the same thing about him and that scares the hell out of me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't updated in a month. I did warn you things would be a bit irregular. Blame it on school and work sucking all my time away. UGH! Hope you guys like this update. 
> 
> Up Next: Stiles deals with Donovan...or is it Donovan deals with Stiles?


	5. Donovan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Donovan situation...

For the next few days my dad and I keep closer tabs on one another. We don’t talk about it, but it’s because of what happened with Lydia and Tracy. I am worried sick about him and he is worried about me. With the Dread Doctors in town everyone seems to be in danger, especially those involved with Scott’s pack. That means my dad is in danger as well as me. My dad doesn’t say it and neither do I but we live in a constant state of fear that the next moment will be our last together.

I’m also spending a bit more time with Malia, despite our breakup. After that chaos of that night she has been feeling really guilty. She had caught up to Tracy but had been unable to stop the Dread Doctors from stabbing Tracy and killing her. We had arrived at the scene to find a hysterical Malia and only a puddle of mercury to signify Tracy had even been there. So needless to say, Malia was a bit of a mess and I was tasked with reassuring her that none of us blame her for Tracy’s death. Unfortunately, I have to perfect my ability to lie through my teeth because I am one of those who think she had a hand in it, even if the Dread Doctors did it like she claims. She doesn’t believe me, no matter what I say. I would call in Scott to help me out, but he is dealing with Kira and her seemingly out of control Kitsune.

Three days after the sheriff’s station I am scratching at a mysterious bite, which showed up the morning after, when my phone dings with a text.

FROM: SourWolf 4:35pm

**You ok? Haven’t heard from you in days.**

I contemplate ignoring him, again. However, I ultimately miss him a lot so I answer him.

TO: SourWolf 4:38pm

**I’ve been busy. I’m fine.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:39pm

**I’m not stupid, Stiles. There’s something you aren’t telling me.**

TO: SourWolf 4:42pm

**It’s nothing.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:43pm

**Bullshit. You are NEVER silent unless something has happened.**

TO: SourWolf 4:45pm

**Let it go, Hale. Everything is fine. I gotta go. Talk later.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:46pm

**I’m gonna drop it for now, but this conversation isn’t over Stiles.**

 

I don’t respond to Derek’s text because I know I don’t want to talk about so it will only infuriate us even more. Ever since my dad almost died and Tracy did die I’ve been feeling guilty.

_It’s my fault I didn’t know that Scott didn’t have all the information. It’s my fault because I didn’t even help looking for Tracy. When Malia blamed the Dread Doctors for killing Tracy I immediately didn’t believe her, even if I didn’t voice that._

I scream out my frustration and throw my textbook across the room. I’m feeling guilty about the Sheriff Station and I want to talk about it with someone. I especially want to talk about it with Derek, but I’m so frustrated with my conflicted feelings about him that I can’t.

 

Later that night I get a text from Scott to meet him at the animal clinic to talk strategy. He tells me that Liam, Kira, Malia, and Lydia will be there too. When I ask about Theo I don’t get an answer. I grab my keys and decide to go, whether or not Theo is there.

Roscoe takes a little time to start (again!) but I’m soon on my way. I am halfway there when I see a figure running into the high school. I am curious, but at the same time I don’t want to get in trouble with my dad for being at the scene of yet another crime. I had decided to keep moving when my jeep decided to start sputtering. Knowing that I wouldn’t get far I pull the jeep into the school parking lot. Roscoe sputters once more and dies. The person who ran in obviously went in through the library, evidenced by the open door.

I decide to give my jeep a bit of rest time and follow whoever it was into the library. After all I secretly hope it’s Theo and that I can catch him in the act of breaking the rules. Of course I also know that I will be breaking the same rules so I’ll be in as much trouble, but it will also reveal Theo as being untrustworthy.

The library is eerily dark and I am almost certain something is going to jump out at me, especially considering someone is already in there. Suddenly a shelf gets knocked toward me. I jump out of the way just in time. I move further away from the direction the shelf had been knocked from.

I holler out to the black abyss, “Okay Theo, I get it. You want to hurt me because I stand in your way to join Scott’s pack.”

I hear a laugh and then an accompanying voice say, “You’d love for it to be Theo wouldn’t you? That would fit perfectly with your feelings of mistrust towards him. However, I’m not Theo. I’m sure you don’t even know who I am. I bet your daddy never told you about me or my father.”

“Donovan?” I ask, unsure what to make of the situation.

“So you do know my name. That’s great. Then maybe you understand what is going on here. I lured you here. I knew where you were going to be and I knew that seeing someone break into the school would be too tempting for you not to pass up. I knew that you have a habit of getting involved in things you shouldn’t.” Donovan shoves another shelf and I take more steps back. He is now clearly only 2 rows away from me.

“If you want to hurt my dad, like I heard you threaten a few days ago then you are way off. I’m not my dad. As you clearly know.” I try my hardest to make my voice sound strong and calm, not shaky and scared.

“I was gonna just hurt the sheriff but, then it occurred to me that hurting you would hurt him so much more than any personal injury.” Donovan sneers, and comes to the end of my row. I start backing up as he walks towards me.

He is probably around the middle of the row when I get to the next row over, which starts the construction area of the school. Donovan is soon gaining on me so I have to think fast. I start to climb up the scaffolding.

“I don’t know why you are so angry at my dad for doing his job but, hurting me won’t satisfy your need for revenge. You’ll hurt me and then thirst for more and so you’ll still go after my dad. So why not cut out the middle man and only bother my dad.” I yell down as I climb upwards.

“Oh yeah, you’d really prefer I hurt your dad than you? Wow. I guess you aren’t as self-sacrificing as I thought you were. That’s really disappointing Stilinski. I guess you’re just as big a coward as your father.” Donovan circles the ground below me.

“My father is not a coward!” I scream down to him.

“Yes he is! He was a coward and that got my father hurt. My father can’t walk anymore because of what your father failed to do. He has to suffer like my father has suffered all these years. I will make him suffer the loss of you!” Donovan starts to climb up the scaffolding below me.

I am at the top of the scaffolding now so I can run to the other side and start to climb back down. I am scared out of my mind but, I don’t know what else to do. I don’t feel like I can call my father here, especially not with Donovan threatening both of us like he is. I can’t put my dad in harm’s way like that again. I can’t. So I decide to handle the problem myself. I look at the scaffolding and realize that if I knock it over Donovan will be knocked out long enough for me to call the sheriff and have him dealt with.

I grab the scaffolding and knock it over after a few times of rocking it back and forth. I hear Donovan’s screams as the whole thing comes crashing down. I run over to the area where Donovan should be, thinking I will find him knocked out. I am not prepared for what I do find.

Blood. Lots and lots of blood. All Donovan’s.

Donovan had fallen and the crashing scaffolding had fallen on him, one bar of it piercing through his chest. He was dead. Suddenly my world starts to spin and I can barely breathe. I try in vain to make the bleeding stop. I even beg with Donovan to be alive. I didn’t want him dead, just knocked out.

I realize it’s all in vain and I run. I don’t really see where I am going, but I am running. I get to my jeep before I really take in just where I am. I grab a towel out of the back and try to rub all the blood off of my hands. It’s no use. Some of it has stained my hands.

With the same shaking hands I pull out my phone and dial 911. I don’t say anything. I just let the line run long enough for them to be able to trace the call. Then I hang up. I sit in my jeep trying to calm down and watch as Deputy Parrish comes to the school and sees that it is dark and radios in that nothing is wrong. He gets the okay to check inside the school. I hear him go in and about 15 minutes later come back out radioing that again there was nothing but a few knocked over shelves in the library. I hear him chalk it up to “some kids fooling around”.

After Deputy Parrish leaves I feel so frustrated that I want to scream. Was the whole thing with Donovan just a made up occurrence? Did I just imagine it? I know that I didn’t because I have the blood on my hands to prove it. I bang my hands on my steering wheel and scream. I can’t comprehend what is going on. If Donovan is really dead, which he is because I saw his dead body and felt his blood on my hands, then where did his body go? It’s one of those mysteries that I know is going to haunt me until it is solved.

What happened to Donovan’s dead body?

Another thought that is not going away, but in fact multiplying: I killed Donovan.

My thoughts are already getting really thick and I feel myself starting to drown. I can’t hardly breathe and I know I am close to blacking out when I hear the ding of my phone.

FROM: Scott 8:56pm

**Yo! Where you at bro? You said you were leaving 30 minutes ago and you still aren’t here. We gotta start without you man.**

TO: Scott 8:57pm

**Sorry bro. Roscoe wouldn’t start and so I’ve been working on him this whole time. It’s looking like I won’t be going anywhere tonight. Fill me in at school on Monday.**

FROM: Scott 8:58pm

**Roger that. You need a new jeep bro.**

TO: Scott 8:59pm

**Don’t you dare say that about my jeep! *shocked face emoji***

FROM: Scott 9:01pm

**See ya on Monday then.**

 

I throw my phone on the passenger seat of my jeep and put the key in the ignition. The jeep turns over a bit but eventually starts working. I pull her out of the school parking lot and immediately head back home.

I get to my room and immediately pull out my drawing board. I use it to work on cases, and this is the strangest case yet. I place all the players on the board and draw lines connecting them to various strange occurrences. I write Donovan’s name and I write the word “dead”. Seeing it written out makes my brain go crazy once again.

_I killed a man. Even my dad hasn’t ever done that. He is a sheriff and his own son killed a man before him. Donovan isn’t even a man really. He’s my age. Still in school. A kid. Donovan is a teenager, but still considered a kid. OH MY GOD! I killed a kid. I should be thrown in jail. Should I tell my dad? Should I tell Scott? What if my dad and Scott both call me a murderer? Well you are a murderer Stiles. No that was totally self-defense. I never meant to kill him, just hurt him enough to have him arrested again without hurting my dad. Were you really all that sad to see he was dead? Wasn’t a part of you actually relieved?_

I pull out of my thoughts all because I hear a text message ping.

FROM: SourWolf 9:33pm

**You know what. I’ve been thinking about it and I will not just let it go. Talk to me Stiles.**

I ignore him and go to the bathroom to shower. I want to wash all the bad feelings and blood away. I scrub my skin until it is raw. I have never scrubbed myself so hard in all my life. I scrub and scrub hoping that my feelings of guilt and anguish over the events of that evening will just wash away. They don’t.

 

The whole rest of the weekend I spend all my time obsessively scouring the internet for anything on the Dread Doctors. It’s my distraction from what happened with Donovan. Anytime I stop long enough to really think about anything but Dread Doctors my mind immediately goes to him and what I did. I start to get shaky again and I feel panic coming so I turn my attention back to the internet.

I even ignore all text messages to me. On Saturday there are multiple texts from Lydia and Derek alike.

FROM: Fiery Red 9:23am

**Come on Stiles. Scott said last night that you weren’t coming because of Roscoe. You may fool him, because he’s honestly not too focused on you anyways, but you don’t fool me. What is really going on? Theo wasn’t even there last night. So if you were trying to avoid him there was no need. You better give me a valid excuse. Even if it is you not wanting to see Theo.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:45am

**Stiles I want to know what is going on. Scott said he hasn’t really spoken to you since Wednesday. Are you guys fighting?**

FROM: Fiery Red 12:56pm

**Okay. If you don’t answer me by tomorrow I am going to come over there and MAKE you talk to me. You know how persuasive I can be.**

FROM: SourWolf 12:57pm

**Are you sleeping? Did your phone die again? Just give me something Stiles or I am going to assume you are hurt or dead.**

FROM: Fiery Red 3:16pm

**So I found a book about the Dread Doctors. Wanna go over it with me?**

FROM: SourWolf 3:47pm

**I have even contacted Lydia and she said she last spoke to you on Friday. What is going on? Is your dad okay?**

FROM: SourWolf 4:58pm

**Okay. So my source gave me some more information on Dread Doctors. If you are interested we can talk about it.**

 

On Sunday I don’t even get out of bed. I can’t convince myself it is worth it. I feel like the whole world is crumbling around me. I know that Derek and Lydia are worried, but I honestly don’t care. All I can think about is Scott doesn’t even care to ask after me. We are supposed to be best friends, brothers even, and he hasn’t texted me once. Even when I told him Friday night that I wasn’t coming he said ‘Talk about it on Monday’. It was like the weekend didn’t even exist to him.

I hear my dad come by my room and ask me if I wanted to watch the game with him. I grunt a no and he leaves me alone. After all my dad and I had been through I had really hoped he would be more concerned. That he would stick around and ask more questions, not that I would have answered. It’s the concern and thought that counts.

It seems like hours later that I hear my dad open the front door and start talking to someone. The voices are muffled and I don’t have the energy to get out of bed and see who it is. I get my answer soon enough when Lydia Martin in all her fierce glory comes marching into my room. She pulls open my blind and rips off my blanket. I glare at her and then burrow into my bed as much as I can.

“Oh no you don’t, Stilinski!” Lydia practically screams at me.

“GO AWAY!” I growl back.

“Wow, I am so intimidated. If you want me to leave you are going to have to get up and throw me out.” Lydia says matter-of-factly as she sits on the edge of my bed.

I shrug my shoulders and turn away from her.

“So what is going on with you Stiles? You haven’t been this reclusive since your put yourself into Eiken House a year and a half ago.” Lydia softens her tone and starts to softly rub my back.

“Nothing. Everything is peachy.”

“Bullshit” Lydia says without missing a beat.

“Besides agonizing over my feelings for Derek there is nothing going on.” I whisper.

“I doubt your anguish over that is what has driven you to ignore texts and lay in bed all day.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Suffice it to say it’s a lot of feelings that have just been building up and now I can hardly breathe so I am working through them.” I shrug, sitting up but still turning away from her.

“Working through them alone? Stiles when are you going to learn that internalizing and dealing with things on your own is a recipe for disaster? I know you can’t talk to Derek or your dad about things, but you can talk to me! Don’t you dare shut me out! I didn’t shut you out, too much, when I was dealing with my banshee powers manifesting.” Lydia pulls me into a fierce hug.

I pull away and then look down at the floor, kind of embarrassed.

“Hey. Look at me.” Lydia whispers and pulls my face upward, “You are an amazing, wonderful, loyal friend and its okay to ask for help sometimes. It won’t seem weak. It is actually a very strong thing to do. Just talk to me and let me help you. If you aren’t up for talking today then we can talk another day, just as long as you promise to talk.” Lydia pulls me into a hug once again.

I let her hug me for a few moments as I let my worries slip away for a brief moment. I realize that Lydia has always been there for me, just as I was always there for her, and it wasn’t fair to shut her out. However, I also know that I can’t tell her the truth about what happened with Donovan. I broke the law and I know that Lydia won’t protect me from that.

We pull apart again and Lydia looks at me expectantly.

“Can we just talk about it tomorrow? I kind of want to ignore my problems for one more day. I also don’t think I’m quite ready to talk about them.” I ask Lydia as I grab her hand and squeeze it.

“Okay. We are going to talk tomorrow. You can count on that.” Lydia says, squeezing my hand back before standing up and bouncing out of my room.

After Lydia leaves I decide to get up and grab some food from our fridge. I am met with my dad’s concerned face as I enter the kitchen. I don’t say anything as I grab the ingredients for a sandwich. I even proceed to make my sandwich not saying a word to my ever watchful father.

I hear him sigh before speaking, “Stiles, we should talk. I feel that ever since the events at the Sheriff’s Station you’ve been slowing distancing yourself from me.”

I stop making my sandwich and turn to my dad, “Dad, it has nothing to do with that. Was I worried when I thought Tracy had you? Sure. Was I relieved when I saw you were just fine? Absolutely. Am I currently still worried about you being involved in the supernatural world? Not in the slightest.”

“Considering that is the most you have said to me since the incident on Wednesday I would say that you are lying to me.” My dad says with that ‘I’m looking right through you’ look in his eyes.

“Honestly, I am worried about you. I worry every day you walk out that door. That’s not why I haven’t been talking to you though. I’ve got some other stuff going on that I can’t talk to you about.”

“Like what? You still worrying about Malia?”

“Malia and I broke up dad. Just drop it okay?”

“No! I am your father and I am not going to drop it. I am worried about you, especially after you spent this weekend holed up in your room not talking to anyone!” My dad is starting to get upset which is making his voice louder. This only agitates me more.

“Maybe I wasn’t talking to anyone because I would normally talk to Scott but he hasn’t even really bothered to talk to me in weeks. My next option lately has been Derek but, I’m so confused whenever I talk to him and so that makes it really hard for me to talk to him. I don’t like this new kid Theo but, no one is listening to me when I say I don’t trust him. So sorry if I’m not talking to anyone dad. I don’t know how!” I scream and then run back up the stairs and to my room.

Breathing heavily I shut my door and lean against it. Did I really just confess I am not only communicating with Derek but that I am confused about it? Fuck. 


	6. Talks and More...

Once in my room I decide that I should probably text Derek back before he gets all worried about me and does something stupid. I pull out my phone as I go to plop on my bed, only I can’t. Derek is already in my bed.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, my mind trying to process all that is going on.

“You didn’t answer any of my texts from Friday night to right now. So I thought I’d come check on you.” Derek shrugs.

I open my mouth to respond when my dad decides to knock on my door.

“Stiles. Come on. Talk to me. Why does talking to Derek confuse you? Is there something going on in your life that I should know about?”

I glare at Derek, silencing him, before I go to my door to respond to my dad.

“Dad, that last question was so loaded I’m not even going to answer it. Also, just ignore the fact that I mentioned Derek at all. Everything is fine. Just go back to watching TV or whatever it is you were doing and I will work on my homework here in my room. Alone.” I say to him as I open the door a crack.

“Stiles, I just…” My dad says, looking extremely worried.

“Dad, seriously don’t worry. I’m fine. Trust me if it was something extremely worrisome or dangerous I would tell you.” My voice takes on the exact tone I know will calm and reassure my dad.

“Okay. Just don’t stay up too late. We will talk, eventually.” Dad smiles at me and starts to walk away.

“I know dad. Good night.” I sigh and close the door once more.

“So. What about me confuses you?” Derek says, suddenly all up in my personal space. A closeness that makes me slightly uncomfortable if I’m being honest.

“Well you being this close to me for one. I mean usually you being this close means you are about to cause me bodily harm.” I ramble nervously.

“Why are you suddenly so nervous?” Derek smirks and pulls away from me a fraction. It’s not much but, its enough to allow me to slip under his arm and retreat to my desk chair a few feet away.

“Me, nervous? What? No!” I again fluster up.

Derek doesn’t respond, instead he plops down on my bed and starts laughing at me. I notice that when he laughs like he is in that moment, a laugh of pure teasing amusement, the smile on his lips reaches his eyes. For once his dark eyes sparkle with a light that I think only I have seen since before his family died. It’s in that moment that I realize I always want him to have that sparkle in his eye.

“Look, Derek. I’m nervous because you are suddenly in my room via my window. Which, I might add, you haven’t done in a long time. What gives? And don’t say it’s because I didn’t text. Real Derek wouldn’t care enough to come out of hiding.” I look him straight in the eye, trying to be dead serious.

“Real Derek?” Derek questions, feeling his arms and looking at himself as if he may not actually be physically there.

“You know, the Derek Hale I met 2 years ago. The one who wanted to rip my throat out with his teeth.” I shrug.

“So you still think of me as that Derek?” Derek gets back up and steps towards me.

I gulp before answering, suddenly terrified and excited all at once. “Well…ah….sometimes.”

“I see.” Derek smiles slyly, stepping still ever closer. Suddenly he is right in front of me and he is pulling me to my feet.

Once we are on eye level of each other, Derek leans his head in closer and says, “You mean like this?” His mouth is so close to my neck that I can feel his breath there. I shudder. He steps away.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to terrify you.” Derek mumbles, suddenly looking sullen and sad.

I scramble to get the sparkly eyes Derek back. I see him sit on the bed and I rush over and sit down next to him. He turns away from me and I realize I have to act now or I could lose whatever ground we had gained these last few weeks through our texting.

“Derek. I shuddered because…I mean I wasn’t terrified.” I whisper, placing my hand on top of his which rest on the bed.

Derek doesn’t turn back to me but he lifts his head. “If you weren’t terrified then why’d you shudder? I thought we didn’t lie to each other.”

“Uhh. I am not lying when I say that I’m not terrified.” I try to save the conversation.

“But you are when you refuse to say why you shuddered.” Derek points out blatantly.

“Can we just forget about the shudder?” I say, raising my voice while getting to my feet to pace my room.

“Not until you tell me why you did it.” Derek lifts his head up more and turns slightly so as to look at me dead on.

I don’t answer him. Instead I continue to pace my room, nibbling on my thumb in nerves. Derek continues to watch me pace. I can tell from the feel of the room that he is slowly getting more agitated with me. I don’t know how to tell him the truth though. I can’t tell him that his mouth that close to my neck excited me. I can’t tell him how much I long for his lips to touch mine in a kiss. I definitely can’t tell him that I have developed feelings for him. Nope, nope I sure can’t.

“Stiles.” Derek sighs, his voice tinged with disappointment. Fuck. I can’t lie to that voice. It breaks me down every time and he obviously knows it.

I stop my pacing and scream, “I shuddered because it turned me on, okay?! There you happy? You got the freaking truth out of me. Congratulations.”

I start to walk out of the room in a tone that tells him he pissed me off. Like a flash he is there, bracing his arm against the door preventing me from leaving. I huff and retreat over to my desk and turn my chair away from him. However, in a matter of seconds he is once again in front of me. This time he is crouched down to eye level with me.

I look into his eyes. I expect to see shock and confusion or even anger in them, but what I see instead shocks me. His eyes are loving and soft. Once again his smile reaches his eyes and gives them a sparkle. He reaches out and grabs my hand in his.

“Stiles, is that what had you terrified? That I wouldn’t accept your feelings?” Derek says softly and calmly.

“Well I’ve only seen you date girls, so I knew there wasn’t a chance with you.”

“I haven’t dated girls successfully, and I haven’t dated at all since Jennifer. Why do you think I decided to text you back all those weeks ago?”

“Because enough of us had done it that you finally had enough and answered to get us to stop contacting you.”

“Does that even really make sense? I didn’t dismiss you did I?”

“No.”

“No, I didn’t. Instead I answered your questions and continued to talk with you. I even continued to talk with you past that night. Why on earth would I do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You know for someone who is such a good detective you sure can’t see what’s right in front of you.”

“I see that you have broken into my room and are now interrogating me about YOUR motives for texting me.”

“I’m interrogating you in the hopes that you will piece things together and figure it out.”

“All you did was text me back and help me figure out the Dread Doctors and tell me not to worry when I was thinking about my mom and my dad and OH MY GOD!” I ramble off the things Derek and I have talked about. As I go through the list I look up at him because I have figured it out. He was right. The answer had been right in front of me this whole time. Derek cared. About me.

“And we have a winner ladies and gentlemen” Derek says sarcastically with a smirk.

“Hey that’s my kind of line. I’m the sarcastic one.” I respond.

Derek just shakes his head and, never taking his eyes off me, leans forward. His lips connect with mine and the feeling is like nothing I have ever felt before. I know it sounds cliché but fireworks were definitely going off. His lips were soft and tender and he knew exactly what to do with his nose. (I may have bumped mine on his cheek initially.) Once we have been going back and forth for a little while I feel his tongue nudge my lips, begging for entrance. I oblige immediately and enthusiastically. I can’t help it, I am so caught up in the desire of it all that I moan. This causes Derek to pull away.

The magic is gone.

“No. Don’t pull away. This was going so well.” I say trying to break the tension that is once again crackling in the air.

Derek doesn’t say anything. Instead he turns and quickly strides to the window and is gone. I stand there in shock for a good five minutes. My mind is swirling with thoughts about whether or not all that had just happened. When I finally come around I grab my jacket and run down the stairs. I holler at my dad that I am going out and that I would be home by midnight at the latest. I hear his “You better not be that late.” comment but I choose to ignore it.

I jump in Roscoe and head down the street with my destination in mind, not really needing to think about it. I pull up in front of the house and jump back out of Roscoe. I am at the door in 5 seconds flat and I am about to just turn the door knob when I second guess that decision and knock instead. A few minutes later Melissa McCall opens the door and her face goes from joy to confusion instantly.

“Stiles. Why didn’t you just come in like you always do?” Melissa asks, her tone showing her obvious confusion.

“Ahh well Scott and I haven’t really been talking much lately so he doesn’t know I’m coming and I figured I’d be proper about it.” I say, nervously shuffling my feet.

“Stiles, you are family you know you don’t have to knock, though I would prefer it. Over the years I’ve just gotten used to you just showing up and barging right in. Scott is up in his room so go on up.” Melissa says as she moves out of the way allowing me entrance.

Right as I enter the front room of the house, Scott comes bounding down the stairs. His puppy dog mannerisms are back in full swing because he pounces on me and pulls me into a deep hug.

“Hey buddy. I am so glad you are here. Lydia and I have been having the worst time trying to figure out this business with the chimeras and the Dread Doctors. We need your skills man.”

I pull out of his arms and turn slightly away from him. My hand goes to the back of my head, nervously scratching it and my feet start to move around a little bit in anxiousness.

Melissa, who is still in the room, notices the mood shift and alerts her son.

“Scott, sweetie, I don’t think Stiles came over to talk about supernaturals.” I could hear the love and affection in her voice and I had a sudden pang of sadness about my own mom.

“Oh right. Well Lydia is upstairs reading over some stuff, so if you don’t want her around we could go for a walk. Talk just between us. You know I always have your back, Stiles, whatever you need.” Scott steps towards me and squeezes my shoulder, causing me to look up at him.

“Yeah let’s walk. I just have to tell someone whats going on in my head or I will explode. You’ve always been my bro so I came to you.” I shrug and head back outside while Scott runs upstairs to tell Lydia he’s going on a walk with me and will be back soon.

Scott and I walk all the way to the woods before either of us says a single word. I can’t say anything out of nerves and trying to find the right way to approach the situation. Scott doesn’t talk out of respect of my need to talk eventually but for the time being to just be on a walk with my best friend.

“Remember that first night? When we came out here because of a dead body.” I finally stop walking and turn so that I am standing in front of Scott, facing him.

“Yeeeeeaaaaahhh” Scott draws out, confused.

“Life back then was so much simpler. We were able to be stupid teenagers and only have to suffer groundings and such as punishments. We didn’t have to worry about life or death situations. Do you ever wish we could go back?” I ask, using a serious voice that rarely sees the light of day.

“Sometimes, but at the same time I like the way my life has changed because of it. Sure I’m in more danger but, this experience caused me to stop living life on the sidelines and actually help people. You can’t tell me you don’t appreciate what this life has done for you?” Scott smiles his crooked smile at me.

“Oh yeah I totally appreciate all the deadly situations I have been put in. I also appreciate being out of control of my own body and causing the death of our friends, Aiden and Allison. Or have you forgotten about them?” I retort back, sarcasm dripping from every word.

“You know I haven’t. I could never forget that, but it wasn’t your fault. It was the nogitsune.” Scott replies back.

“The nogitsune who was USING ME to do its work. Come on Scott wake up, this life hasn’t exactly been roses for me.” I scream out frustrated.  “This wasn’t why I wanted to talk with you though.”

“I know. So tell me what’s really bothering you.” Scott says calmly, clearly ignoring, or not fixating on, my little deviation from my original train of thought.

“You know I’ve been texting with Derek right?” I start.

“Yeah.” Scott motions for us to sit on a fallen tree. So we both walk over and sit.

“He showed up at my bedroom today after Lydia left.” I continue.

“She told me she went by your house around lunchtime to get you to talk.”

“So I tell you Derek showed up in my bedroom and all you comment on is the Lydia part.”

“Well, I figured you had more to say about that and would continue without any response from me.”

“He scared the crap out of me because I had been downstairs making a sandwich and getting interrogated by my dad. Then when I got back up to my room I come inside and there he is on my bed.” I say in one big huff of a breath.

“What did he want?” Scott responds, genuinely interested.

“He was concerned because I hadn’t texted him back after his many texts over the course of the weekend.” I shrug it off as if it’s no big deal and not the whole reason I needed this talk.

“Awww Derek was worried about you.” Scott teases.

“Shut up Scott.” I say as I shove him playfully. Then I get up and start pacing in front of Scott.

“That’s not what’s fully bothering you is it? What happened between you and Derek? Did you fight?” Scott catches on to my continued anxiety.

“No we didn’t fight. Nothing like that.” I respond back, still not really looking at Scott. “Quite the opposite actually.” I mumble.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“No you said something. Come on Stiles. It’s me. Your bro. You can tell me anything and there will be no judgment.” Scott stands up and grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to stop and look at him.

“Fine. I said ‘quite the opposite actually.’” I say shyly, staring at Scott waiting for his reaction.

Scott gasps, “You guys had sex?!”

“What? NO! Not that extreme. We just kissed.” I look back at the ground as I finish.

“You and Derek kissed?!” Scott says incredulously.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told anyone. This is just a terrible idea. I’m gonna go.” I hastily respond as I turn and try to walk back the way we’d came.

“Oh no you don’t, Stiles. You can’t just drop that bomb and walk away.” Scott says, as he grabs my arm and spins me around.

“Why not? It’s what he did.” I respond, suddenly crestfallen now that I had said it out loud.

“He kissed you and then walked out?” Scott asks.

“Yep.”

“He kissed you and then walked out?” Scott repeats.

“Scott buddy, we covered this.” I say shortly.

“What are you feeling?” Scott looks at me, his eyes showing the hints of sadness and disappointment, not directed at me of course.

“Lots of things. I’ve never been like this before Scott. I am tingly and excited because that kiss was one hell of a kiss. I am also feeling nervous because I am not quite sure what this means for me. Then I am overwhelmingly upset because he kissed me and ran. I don’t know if it’s because of me, him, or the fact that it was with a guy. Who knows. He could be as confused about this whole ‘liking a guy’ thing as I am. You know me, I’ve dated girls. In fact, I was once OBSESSED with a girl. So why do I all of a sudden want nothing more than to have Derek?” I bear all my thoughts for Scott to scoop up and piece together with their answers.

“Damn. I wouldn’t want to be your brain. Like ever.” Scott jokes nervously. I can tell he is just stalling to give himself more time to mull it all over.

“So, Derek and you kissed. You have only ever dated girls before, I know that for a fact. So has he, we assume. You do realize that it really could be he is just nervous about taking that step with you. After all only a few short years ago you hated each other. Maybe he’s afraid that now that you are friends, by kissing and becoming more than friends you set yourselves up for disaster if it doesn’t work out. I mean, Derek doesn’t play well with others all the time. You are one of the few he still talks to. Lydia told me that she has seen your texts. You guys talk EVERY DAY. That is more than anyone else in our pack. He only talks to me a few times a month. As for your feelings about it. I don’t know if this makes you gay, but it definitely makes you bisexual. However, there really isn’t a need to put a label on you. Stiles is enough of a label. I say you text him soon and reassure him that what happened was okay with you. You guys really should talk this out together.” Scott finishes and wraps his arm around my back, giving me a tight squeeze.

“Thanks man. I knew I could talk this through with you and feel better. I really should get back home to my dad though. I told him I would be back soon.” I respond and pull away in order to start walking back.

Scott and I walk back in silence again. This time, however, the silence is one of comfort and appreciation. Not because of nerves. Even though Scott and I have kind of hit a rough patch this year, I know that in a pinch I can always count on him. That means more to me than anything else in the world, besides my dad of course. 


	7. Important Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia and Stiles have a much needed talk.
> 
> Derek and Stiles finally talk about the kiss.

Just like promised, Lydia approached me on Monday about discussing what was going on with me. I shut my locker with a grin just as she approaches and opens her mouth to speak.

“I’m fine Lydia. Really.” I hold my hand up to stop her and give her my most genuine grin.

“So you space out on the world for a weekend, look super glum when I come to talk with you on Sunday, refuse to talk, and now a little over 24 hours later you are ‘fine’. Nope I don’t buy it.” Lydia says with a hair flip as she follows me to the parking lot.

“Look after you visited on Sunday I had a chat with Derek and a chat with Scott. I got everything all worked out. No need to worry. I was just having a bad weekend.” I shrug.

“Stiles Stilinski! It was more than just a bad weekend. You were seriously worried about something and you said you would talk with me about it today. Instead you go to Derek and Scott about it?” Lydia huffs as we approach my jeep.

“Okay so I was bothered by something this weekend. Then I talked with Derek about my feelings and then with Scott about my talk with Derek. Now I am not as bothered anymore.”

“Wait. You told Derek about your feelings?” Lydia throws her arm out to stop me from rounding the back of my jeep.

“Kind of.” I whisper, staring at my feet kicking up dirt.

“Okay, we are getting in this jeep and going for a drive. While driving you are going to tell me everything about your Sunday talk with Derek and about what was bothering you when I visited. Deal?” Lydia gives me a hard look.

“But…” I stammer.

“No buts. You are doing this. You have to talk to people.” Lydia walks towards the passenger side, opens the door, and climbs in.

I sigh and roll my eyes in her direction before climbing in the driver’s side.

“So fiery princess where are we going?” I huff as I turn the key in the ignition.

“I resent that princess remark. More like, fiery girl who gets what she wants by sheer determination. And we are going to your place.” Lydia gives me a wicked grin before pulling out her make up to reapply lipstick.

“I seriously don’t get you sometimes. Nor do I ever understand how we ended up as friends.”

“You mean after you spent most of our adolescence slobbering after me? Oh yeah I noticed.”

“I didn’t slobber after you. I merely appreciated your beauty and grace like a puppy dog.”

“AKA slobbered.” Lydia points out, “Anyways, so what exactly transpired between you and the object of your deepest affections?”

I roll my eyes and groan as I pull into my drive. This gives me a chance to formulate what exactly I am going to say to the most pestering yet loving person I know. It was so much easier to say this to Scott, which doesn’t make that much sense to me but, whatever.

“So Derek showed up at my house on Sunday and we talked.” I tell Lydia over my shoulder as we enter the house.

“Oh no, I am not taking ‘we talked’ as an answer to my question.” Lydia plops herself down on the couch and stares at me pointedly.

“Okay…” I stall looking around the room for any kind of distraction. Why did I have to become friends with my childhood crush? This just makes it all so weird to talk about this with her.

“Stop stalling Stilinski.”

“Okay. So Derek came over, scared the crap out of me in the process. He came over via my bedroom window and we talked. At first it was him asking me why talking to him makes me confused or was it nervous? Whatever. I told him it wasn’t a big deal and told him to drop it. Then one thing led to another and he and I kissed. Then after the kiss he pulls away and jumps out of my bedroom window without a word. He kissed me and then ran. So now I’m trying not to freak out about what all that means.”

“He kissed you or you kissed him?” Lydia asks, taking on a therapist sort of role, which by the way was kinda creepy.

“He kissed me; after making me realize that all our communications this past few weeks was because he cared about me.” I respond finally deciding to sit down on the couch next to her.

“I think you got your answer then. It means he cares about you, on a more than friends level.”

“Then why did he run?”

“What do you usually do when you have an internal freak out?”

“I push people away.” I mumble. Then wanting to put to bed this conversation I get up and head towards the stairs. “You wanna work on math together?”

“Sure. Maybe then you will talk more about what’s on your mind.” Lydia sighs, also getting up with her backpack.

“I’ve only got eyes for you” I start to jokingly sing.

Lydia laughs and shoves me up the stairs a bit. When we get to my room I flip on the light and throw my backpack on the floor next to my desk before sitting in my desk chair. Lydia, on the other hand, gracefully sits down on my bed.

“She misses you, you know?” Lydia remarks, not looking at me but at a picture of Malia and I from over the summer.

“Yeah, but there isn’t much I can say to her. I mean I broke up with her and I can’t get back together with her just because she is sad.” I say as I pull out my math textbook and notebook.

“So you still trying to frame Theo as the ‘bad guy’?” Lydia remarks as she gets up and inspects the board more closely. “Wait, why is the name Donovan crossed out? Why is dead written below it, but partially erased?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s part of the investigation that is being handled.” I mumble.

“Wait a minute. Is Donovan what’s been bothering you?” Lydia gasps, moving closer to me.

“Drop it Lydia.”

“Not until you tell me the whole Donovan story.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“There is if he’s marked down as dead.”

“No there isn’t. Just drop it okay?” I practically yell at her. The scene of Donovan’s death playing across my mind. I moan and slam my hands to my face hoping it’ll help to block out the images.

The images keep playing over and over in my head; like they are on a timeless loop. I get more and more frustrated, until final I scream and throw my textbook at the investigation board. Lydia stands there, just inches from where the textbook had sailed past her head, and looks at me in a mixture of shock and concern.

“It’s nothing.” I say to try and salvage the moment.

“Th-that is not nothing Stiles.” Lydia stammers, getting over her shock. “Please talk to me. It isn’t good for you to bottle all this up.” Lydia then gently directs me to the bed and sits down pulling me in close.

“I just don’t know how to talk about it. It’s all my fault.” I whisper, not looking at her.

“Just try me. I will not judge you. I swear.” Lydia says in her softest tone to date.

“Well it happened on Friday. When I didn’t show up to that pack meeting and I didn’t text you back. I was headed to the meeting, I swear, but then I drove past the school and I saw someone sneaking inside. I thought it was Theo and I could catch him in the act. You know prove to Scott that Theo really was a bad guy.” I pause to take a deep breath and decide how I’m going to continue this story.

“Okay so you thought it was Theo, which it wasn’t because he was at the pack meeting with us.” Lydia urges me on.

“So I get inside the school, the library to be exact. I am walking around trying to find whoever it is and I come across Donovan.” I pause again.

“Hold up, who is Donovan?” Lydia asks, her body language telling me she is completely interested in what I have to say.

“Donovan is this small time B&E criminal who has been brought in to my dad a couple times. The last time he was arrested he threatened to kill my dad. Anyways, so he’s at the school. I was a little shocked to see him because the last I had heard he had been arrested. Then I remembered the night you were hurt my dad had been away from the station due to a prisoner getting away in transit. That had to have been him.”

“So I’m in the library and Donovan starts spouting off about how my dad ruined his dad’s life and how my dad was gonna pay for that. I reminded him that I was not my dad and that’s when things turned a bit hairy. He said he knew that and he knew that killing me would hurt my dad as badly as his dad got hurt. So I, like any sensible person, ran. They were still doing some construction in the library and so I climbed up one of the scaffolding and he was about to catch up to me so I pulled the pin. It meant that both of us were gonna fall, but I hoped that it meant the stuff would fall on him and I would be okay. I didn’t mean for it to go down the way it did. One of the scaffolding bars pierced him clear through. He was clearly dead, I saw the deadness in his eyes. That still haunts me.”

“So if you saw him clearly die, then why are you still worried about it? And why hasn’t your dad found out about it?” Lydia asks, clearly confused.

“Because after it happened I had a bit of a freak out and I went out to my jeep and then called it in anonymously. Parrish came and he investigated but only found a few knocked down shelves. No body.” I tell her pointedly.

“Where did the body go then?” Lydia whispers as if she too is trying to solve this mystery.

“I DON’T KNOW! That’s what’s been so crazy about this and why I didn’t talk to anyone all weekend. I was upset about murdering someone and obsessed with figuring out who took the body and why.” I scream at first due to agitation, but one look at Lydia and I calm down.

“Okay so we tell Scott and” Lydia starts.

“No! I can’t tell Scott. Lydia I KILLED someone. His little ethical moral compass will make him turn against me. Trust me. I’m gonna deal with this on my own.” I say out of breath.

“Then tell Derek or your dad. You have to tell someone, besides me.”

“I can’t tell my dad. He’s cop first, dad second. Especially when it comes to breaking the law. I can’t tell Derek because our relationship is complicated as it is. I don’t need him worrying about me because I killed someone.”

“You keep saying you killed or murdered someone like it was in cold blood. It wasn’t Stiles. It was in self-defense.”

“Most people aren’t gonna see it that way. They’re gonna see it as cop’s kid hears Donovan threaten his dad and seeks him out to kill him. I’m serious. That’s what they’ll all think.”

“You are getting way to wound up about this. Stiles if you tell your dad he will listen to you and try to protect you. I guarantee it. Just please tell someone else about this.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay well, I gotta go. Promise me you will try.” Lydia says softly as she pulls me into a hug. “Oh and call Derek. Talk to him about the kiss.”

“Yeah yeah.” I respond.

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Later that night I am laying on my bed, homework done, staring at my phone. I am looking at my text messages with Derek and I wonder if I should do as Lydia says and text him. I take a deep breath and take the plunge.

TO: SourWolf 9:58 PM

**Hey. Haven’t heard from you since yesterday buddy. Wanna talk about it?**

For the longest time after my text is sent I don’t hear anything from him. I am about to give up hope of hearing from him and watch some mindless TV when my phone dings.

FROM: SourWolf 10:25 PM

**Let’s just pretend it never happened. You are better off without me. All I’m gonna do is bring pain and disappointment.**

TO: SourWolf 10:26 PM

**Woah, buddy. I don’t give a shit about any of your past mistakes. Believe me I’ve made a few myself. Let’s face it. We are both some really messed up people. However, that is why we are best for each other. We understand our mistakes and want nothing more than to not be judged by them.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:28 PM

**Stiles, I caused people to die. There is no looking past that. I also slept with the woman who terrorized your pack and this whole town.**

TO: SourWolf 10:29 PM

**First off, I have caused some people to die too. No pity party for you on that. Second, most of the people who you ‘caused’ to die died because you were used and manipulated as a young teenager. Third, Jennifer is a bitch who yeah you shouldn’t have slept with but she fooled all of us, not just you.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:30 PM

**Why would you even want to be with me? My relationship track record sucks.**

TO: SourWolf 10:31 PM

**It sucks because you haven’t dated me before. Duh.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:31 PM

**:) Someone’s full of themselves. But why date me? What’s so great about me?**

TO: SourWolf 10:32 PM

**Because there are so many things about you that are great. Your smile, it’s so rare that when we see one it lights up the whole room. You’re smart, like how many times have you planned out a better plan than us? Like always. You’re loyal. Dude you may act like you hated having people around you there for a while but, whenever anything was happening to us you were there to help or guide. I mean you helped Scott train when he first got turned, sure I helped more because he didn’t trust you but, you did help. You’re a leader, see above reason. Finally, you are sexy as hell. Like I wanna climb your body all the time.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:35 PM

**And everyone feels that way?**

TO: SourWolf 10:36 PM

**YES! Well maybe not the sexy part but, all of us would agree about everything else. Please trust me. I wanna try and make this work. Please.**

FROM: SourWolf 10:37 PM

**Turn around.**

I read that last text and say “huh”. Then I decide to turn around. I gasp because there is Derek, at my window again. I get up from my bed and unlock it so he can get in.

“Dude, you gotta work on your entrances.” I say as I walk back to my bed.

“Why? I think the window is a perfect entrance. It saves me from being interrogated by the Sheriff.” Derek shrugs and walks over to my bed and sits down next to me. Our shoulders bump, but instead of moving his he leaves it there.

“You do make a good point.” I whisper, turning to look at him and getting lost in his eyes.

“I had no idea you felt that way about me. I thought that when we kissed on Sunday it was because you were trying it out and you only thought I was attractive.”

“D I don’t do anything I don’t really want to do. I told you on Sunday I felt the same as you and you didn’t believe me?”

“I don’t know. I thought maybe you were saying that because I was intimidating.”

“I haven’t been afraid of you in years, by the way.”

We stop talking and just stare at each other. Derek licks his lips and the move is so intoxicating that I boldly move forward and press my lips to his.

For a second he doesn’t respond, but then he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer as he kisses me back. Our kiss quickly turns from hesitant to intense. He leans into my body pressing me down on the mattress. I quickly pull him further on top of me and we start to grind our hips together. I come up for air.

“We should probably stop. You know. My dad downstairs and all.”

“Mhm” Derek mumbles reattaching himself to my lips.

“Or we could keep doing this.” I say, my voice muffled by the kiss.

Derek pulls up a bit and says “Shut up Stiles” before resuming our make out session.

Life couldn’t get any better than this. Could it?


	8. One door closes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles now has Derek, but what is going to happen when Scott finds out about Donovan?

I had to speak the words, didn’t I? Of course I jinxed myself by allowing myself to think that finally kissing Derek meant my life was on the up. However, I managed to forget about Theo and his conniving ways.

It had been a great weekend between time with my dad and Derek. Now I was ready for an easy week of learning (and hopefully kissing). Right off the bat it seemed that school had other ideas. Mr. Yukimara assigned us a history paper due next week and Coach gave us the study guide for our first major test. So it was safe to say I was really looking forward to a fun, stress free lunch. Once again fate had another idea.

I had just shoved some of my delicious chicken into my mouth when Scott comes storming up to the table. Kira motions for him to join us but, he grabs my arm and yanks me up instead.

“Words Scott. Or have you become strong Alpha who forces instead of talks?” I yelp as he forces me to stumble out of the cafeteria after him.

Scott doesn’t respond until we are outside.

“Wanna tell me what this is Stiles?” Scott says indignantly as he pulls a wrench out of his bag.

“It’s mine from my jeep. No need to yell, buddy.” I reply with a nervous chuckle as I notice dried blood on it. “Where’d you get that Scott? Because last I checked it was in my jeep.”

“Don’t worry how I got it. Worry about explaining it.” Scott practically yells, clearly getting angrier.

“It’s not…” I stumble on my words because I am truly baffled. Not only had I last seen my wrench in my jeep but, the most it had had on it was engine grease.

“What it looks like?” Scott provides the end to my statement. “Gee that makes things look better. What did you do, Stiles?”

“Would you just listen to me? It’s really not what it looks like. I don’t know…”

Scott cuts me off with, “You don’t know? Wow that’s a really great explanation. Theo said he saw the whole thing! So are you saying he is wrong? If he is then just tell me what it is you did! You keep saying he can’t be trusted but, you have nothing to say for yourself now when you have a perfect opportunity to shoot him down!”

At the mention of Theo the blood drains from my face. It all begins to make sense.

“Don’t you see Theo is manipulating you? I was acting in self-defense.” I scream at Scott, begging him to understand.

“You want me to believe beating Donovan _to death_ with your wrench is self-defense? Stiles we help people, not kill them. As it currently stands, you are the one I can’t trust.” Scott replies dejectedly as he tosses the wrench on the ground in front of me and walks back inside.

“I made a mistake, Scott. I’m sorry you’re so goddamn perfect all the time!” I yell angrily at his retreating figure.

I don’t immediately go back inside. Instead, I pick up the wrench and go sit on one of our school’s outside benches. My thoughts race as tears of frustration sting my eyes. I slip into my head as I replay what just happened.

_Scott doesn’t trust me? I have never manipulated him and he doesn’t trust ME? Sure I didn’t tell him about Donovan, but I was working myself up to it. If he had just talked to Lydia about it he would have known Theo was lying. Why didn’t he allow me to explain? Why didn’t I try harder to explain? Why was it when the situation really needed it I couldn’t form words to save my life? I had the truth about the whole night right there on the tip of my tongue, but instead I give weak accusations of Theo lying and things not being what they seemed. Why didn’t I just say, Scott you know that wrench wasn’t even involved in the situation with Donovan?_

_Does Scott not realize that I could never kill someone in cold blood? I mean we have been best friends since the days of sand and juice boxes. Shouldn’t that mean he knows me better than anyone else in the pack? What would make Scott think that I am a killer?_

_Because you are._

_You killed Donovan. You could have just left and let it go with him, but instead you had to stick around and play right into his hand. You could have left and warned your dad that Donovan was after the both of you in a plot of revenge, but you decided to handle it yourself. Sure that scaffolding falling was an accident, but you let it happen. You had to be a snoop and investigate the break in at the library. You just had to stick your nose in. Maybe Scott’s right. Maybe you can’t be trusted._

I am pulled out of my thoughts by a hand on my shoulder. I look up and it’s Malia, looking concerned.

“You okay Stiles?” she asks in her soft, caring voice. The one that hadn’t shown up until the end of last school year when she realized she could be a part of something instead of going it alone.

“Yeah. I’m good.” I say shortly, gathering up the wrench and looking around for my things.

“You left them in the cafeteria, when you and Scott ran off.” Malia answers my silent question. “You mean to tell me you’ve been here this whole time?”

“What do you mean this whole time?” I ask, finally stopping and look directly at her.

“I mean it’s the end of the school day. That’s why I’m out here. I was headed to your jeep to wait for you since you said you’d give me a ride home today.”

“Crap! I skipped all of my afternoon classes? Crap! My dad is gonna kill me when he finds out.” I worry my hair.

“Don’t think too much of it. Just run inside and check with your teachers while I go and grab your bag.” Malia responds before running off to the cafeteria.

As she runs off I realize just how much I miss even just hanging out with her. I wish that I could love her back the way she wants me to, but I know that I can’t. Even so, I resolve to spend more time with her because she’s actually a good friend to have around.

I walk back into the school and on my way to grab my math assignment from the teacher I run into Lydia. She has a knowing look on her face and she grabs me by the arm and drags me to the empty health classroom.

“Stiles, I know you and Scott had a fight. He came back into the cafeteria after talking to you and said that there was no need to worry about you. He didn’t actually say it, but his tone implied EVER. What happened?” Lydia places a soft hand on my shoulder as a sign of solidarity.

“He was told about Donovan by Theo. Only, Theo seemed to think that I used this wrench as a weapon and beat Donovan over the head repeatedly with it. Or at least that’s the story he told Scott. Scott was so mad I couldn’t tell him my side of things. It was obvious he’d already had his mind made up.” I sigh, staring at my fee instead of at Lydia.

“So you didn’t even try.” Lydia asks.

“Lydia, how could I? He came at me already angry and screaming that Theo told him everything. He even told me he couldn’t trust me.” I can barely get my words out because of how much they hurt to repeat out loud.

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Now I see why you didn’t even fight. Him saying he didn’t trust you must have knocked the air out of you. You and Scott have been an inseparable team for as long as I can remember. You were there for him when his dad left and he was there for you when your mom died. Saying he didn’t trust you must have been the worst thing you could ever hear from him.” Lydia took on a concerned, motherly look.

Suddenly I couldn’t be there, not with her. So I jump away from her and head towards the door.

“I gotta go and get my assignments. Malia is waiting at my jeep. I told her I’d give her a ride home.”

“Stiles.” Lydia whispers, but I don’t stop. I don’t even turn around.

I decide that I am not even going to bother getting my assignments today. I can just ask my teachers for them tomorrow. I head out to my jeep to find Malia there waiting. The whole ride to Malia’s I don’t say anything to her. I can barely wrap my head around what both Lydia and Scott said to me. Scott doesn’t trust me and Lydia thinks I didn’t try hard enough to talk Scott down.

_Does anyone believe in me?_

I drop Malia off with a wave and a promise to help her study for the math exam we had later in the week. She said that she would call me and we could set up a time then. I back out of her dad’s drive. His big black dog follows me until I reach the road then it turns on its tail and heads back to the house.

Once I finally get back to the safety and comfort of my own room I plop myself down on my bed with a big sigh. I just want this day to end so I can wake up tomorrow and find it never happened. However, my phone dings with a text and I groan as I dig in my pocket for it.

 

FROM: SourWolf 3:46 PM

**Hey. Coming over. Will come through front door. Hope you are home.**

TO: SourWolf 3:47 PM

**Yep I’m home. Doors unlocked. Come on up to my room.**

I don’t get a response. However, a few minutes later I hear the soft steps of Derek coming up the stairs. No sooner did I finish that thought then he was tapping softly on my door. I roll off my bed and cross the room to open it.

“Hey.” I say with a shrug of my shoulders, standing aside to let him in.

“Hey. How was school?” Derek replies, placing his hand on my shoulder forcing me to look up.

I don’t respond with anything more than to move away from his touch and shrug. I walk back over to my bed and throw myself back down on it.

Derek doesn’t follow me, instead he sits down in my desk chair and spins himself around. He stops his spinning to stare at the investigation board that is still sitting near my wall. I watch him as he gets up and exams it more closely. I am unsure what he is going to say but, I am dreading the conversation that is coming. I dreaded it when Lydia started it and I’m dreading it now. Derek runs his fingers over the barely there _Donovan_ , since I had tried erasing him.

Slowly, Derek turns to face me and he silently gives me a look. I know he is wanting me to explain, but I don’t know how to form the words. I want to tell him, even though I’m dreading it, because I know that of all the people in my life he would understand it the most. However, I also know that I don’t know how to tell him. My fear of the 1% chance of him turning away vowing to never speak to me again is what keeps me from talking. It’s what kept me from fighting harder with Scott today. It’s what keeps me from telling my own father about the events of that night.

Silently Derek, who has been watching my internal dilemma this whole time, crosses the room and grabs my phone from where I had left it on the bed. He nudges my arm and motions to my phone. I raise my eyebrow at him and he pulls out his phone. Holding up his phone he points at mine and then at me before slightly shaking his phone. Suddenly, it dawns on me. Derek wants me to text him.

TO: SourWolf 4:10 PM

**Why did you want me to text you? You’re right here in front of me.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:10 PM

**Because over the last couple months our best conversing has happened over text. I know you want to talk to me but don’t know how. Maybe you should try texting me instead.**

TO: SourWolf 4:11 PM

**You my friend are a genius.**

I send the simple reply and look up to see Derek sitting on the opposite side and end of the bed so that he is facing me. Something about his position comforts me so I pull up the screen to send another text and type on.

TO: SourWolf 4:12 PM

**Scott and I had a fight today. He told me he can’t trust me. After that I zoned out for 3 hours.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:12 PM

**What was the fight about? Why wouldn’t he trust you?**

TO: SourWolf 4:13 PM

**I killed someone.**

Derek and I look up at that. I can tell from Derek’s eyes he wants to speak out loud, but I shake my head showing him that I’m not really ready to do that.

FROM: SourWolf 4:15 PM

**Who? Why? When? How?**

TO: SourWolf 4:16 PM

**His name was Donovan. I don’t really know much about him except that he threatened my dad’s life. It happened a few weeks ago. I was supposed to be going to a pack meeting, but when I passed the high school I saw a suspicious figure going into the library.**

TO: SourWolf 4:17 PM

**I thought it was Theo. So I followed him because I wanted to prove once and for all that he was up to no good. When I got inside though I soon discovered that it was Donovan, not Theo. Donovan started telling me about how my dad was a coward who ruined his dad’s life and how originally he was gonna kill my dad but, now he thought killing me would be better revenge.**

TO: SourWolf 4:18 PM

**I tried to get away from him, but he caught up to me and before I knew it there was a collapsed scaffolding and Donovan was impaled by it. He was dead. At first I thought maybe I could save him so I went to his body and tried to stop the blood. It was no use. I had murdered Donovan.**

I look up just as I hear Derek receive my final text. I watch him as he reads each word. I expect him to be shocked and horrified, but what I get instead is a look of pity.

“I don’t need you feeling sorry for me okay?” I scream out impulsively.

“I’m just sorry that you feel you murdered him. It’s clearly a case of self-defense.” Derek replies softly and slowly, looking at me with concern coating his face.

“Self-defense?! How was what I did self-defense? I wanted him dead and he ended up dead!”

Derek doesn’t respond. At first I think it’s because he has no answer for me or he finally sees that I am right, but then I see he is texting me again.

FROM: SourWolf 4:21 PM

**How did Scott know about Donovan? Did you tell him and then he got mad?**

TO: SourWolf 4:22 PM

**Theo told Scott a version of the truth. Theo must have been there that night, it’s the only way I can think of him knowing.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:22 PM

**What did Theo say to Scott? I get the feeling it wasn’t accurate.**

Instead of responding I get up from the bed and grab the wrench from my backpack. I hand it silently to Derek. Derek takes it and turns it over and over in his hand. I can tell that he is contemplating what it means. Then he looks up at me with questions in his eyes.

“Theo must have stolen it from my jeep. I don’t know where the blood came from but, it wasn’t from me.” I softly tell him, grabbing at a thread on my comforter so as to avoid eye contact.

“I know.” Derek says softly as he softly grabs my face forcing me to look at him.

It is in that moment that Derek believes me. He doesn’t question anything I say about Theo setting me up. He doesn’t question my motives behind what happened that night. For some reason, I still can’t quite put my finger on, Derek trusts me implicitly.

“How? When even Scott didn’t trust me after seeing that wrench?” I ask him, my voice starting to choke as the realization that I may have just lost my best friend finally fully hits me.

“Scott saw what he wanted to see. Not what was really there. I can tell looking at the wrench that the blood is made to look like a spatter pattern, but really isn’t. I am sure if you were to ask your dad he would agree.” Derek says as he pulls me into a hug. “Also I know you. You wouldn’t intentionally kill anyone, not even Peter and Peter is deserving of it.”

I let Derek sit there embracing me for what seems like a forever. It feels so wonderful to have his arms around me like a security blanket. I haven’t felt this safe in someone else’s arms in a long time. Sure I felt safe in my dad’s but for some reason this secure feeling was on a whole other level one that hadn’t been felt since before my mom died. After what seems like a long time I pull away and grab my phone once more. I have a few more things I need to tell Derek but still don’t have the voice to say them.

TO: SourWolf 4:40 PM

**I’ve been struggling with this for weeks. I didn’t want to burden you so I didn’t tell you. Especially when I didn’t think you actually cared.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:41 PM

**I know you have been struggling. You stopped texting me as much and when you did text it was about superficial stuff instead of the real stuff we’d been talking about.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:42 PM

**I didn’t say anything because I figured you would eventually text me about it. I understand you better than you think.**

TO: SourWolf 4:43 PM

**I don’t deserve someone like you in my life.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:44 PM

**Why? Why would you even think that?**

TO: SourWolf 4:46 PM

**Because I am a spaz who is always interfering with other people’s lives. I don’t know when to just let things go. I am a hyper sarcastic freak. Also I am only a human when everyone else is practically indestructible.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:46 PM

**Yes Stiles you are human but that is what makes you so remarkable. You are loyal to a fault and care tremendously about everyone. It’s because you care that you do things that, yes may sometimes be annoying. However, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I am pretty sure everyone else would agree with me.**

TO: SourWolf 4:47 PM

**Thanks for the pep talk SourWolf. I don’t deserve it but, thanks anyways.**

FROM: SourWolf 4:48 PM

**What can I do to show you that you do deserve it and more?**

Derek doesn’t give me enough time to respond when he is leaning me back against my pillows and devouring my lips with his. He starts off hungry but, soon slows down and gently caresses all parts of my face. He even stops kissing me at one point and just looks into my eyes.

“I don’t ever want you do feel like you aren’t worthy of love and affection.” Derek whispers as he leans in for a peck.

“That doesn’t stop Scott from walking away.” I point out, trying to avoid the messy feelings really going on in my mind.

“His loss. Besides I think that eventually he will come around. The truth always has a way of coming out in the end.” Derek says, rolling onto his back and touching his shoulder to mine.

I don’t respond, instead I lay my head on his chest and let my breathing begin to sync with his. This was more homey feeling than anything else I had ever done in my life. I hoped that we would be together like this always. That Derek would always trust me and that I would never let him down so much that he too walks away.

“I can hear your gears a grinding. What’s wrong?” Derek says against my hair.

“I still can’t get over Scott saying he didn’t trust me. Implying that he trusts Theo more. He can’t trust me, his best friend since we could talk. The best friend who saw him through his mom and dad’s ugly separation. The best friend who was there when he got bit by a werewolf and never once said it was too much to handle. I know I screwed up but, I thought Scott and I were meant to be bros for life.”

“I think that is the most you have ever really said to me. Sure you talk a lot but, it’s rarely about anything.” Derek squeezes me closer to his side. “I think you should talk to him. It is the only way you are going to get any answers.”

“Will you go with me?” I ask meekly.

“What, now?”

“Yeah why not. Might as well get it out of the way.”

“Okay. Yeah. I’ll go with you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pull up to Scott’s house and see that Kira and Lydia are also there. This confuses me because pack meetings usually involve me as well.

I grab Derek’s hand as we walk up to the door. I hear laughter as I go to knock and I pull my hand away.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” I whisper to Derek.

“Good idea or not, Scott is coming.” Derek responds, his ears tuned into the bodies inside the house.

The door swings open to reveal an irritated Scott.

“What do you want Stiles? Come to tell us that Theo is bad news and then tell us how we should kill him?” Scott sneers.

“No. I-I-I wanted to talk to you about Donovan.” I stumble on my words trying to sound stronger than I am.

“Donovan is dead. No thanks to you.”

“But it was self-defense!”

“You keep saying that, but the way I see it you murdered him. You told me yourself that you wanted him dead.”

“Yeah but that didn’t mean I was going to intentionally kill him.”

“Well whether you meant to or not you still did.” Scott turns to go back inside.

“Wait. Why wasn’t I informed of this pack meeting?” I ask, my blood starting to boil.

“Because the McCall pack saves people, not kills them. You shouldn’t worry about this meeting. You should take Derek and just go home. Or maybe you should go have a chat with your dad.”

Without another word Scott goes back inside and slams the door. I hear the lock click and I know that it’s a metaphor for Scott and I’s relationship.

We are no longer friends. I am no longer a part of the pack.

The realization hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel Derek’s arms envelope me as my mind slips into a panic attack. I can’t breathe and my world goes black. Soon enough, through the fog of my attack, I can feel the strength of Derek’s arms applying pressure to my chest and his chest applying pressure to my back.

When I finally come up for air after my panic attack I silently plead with Derek to just get me away from Scott’s house. Just as we are climbing in the jeep however, Mrs. McCall comes home. She smiles sweetly at us and stops at the passenger side of the jeep, where I sit.

“Stiles. It’s so good to see you. I haven’t seen much of you at all these days. I ask Scott about it and he says you’re just busy. Why don’t you come in for dinner? Derek can come too.” Mrs. McCall reaches through and lovingly squeezes my arm.

“Thanks Mrs. McCall but, I have to get home. I don’t think Scott wants me over for dinner anyways. I will talk to you later. Bye.” I let her down gently as Derek starts up the jeep and shifts it’s gear.

Mrs. McCall steps back and watches as we back out of her drive and drive off down the street. Once we are out of view of the McCall’s I let my emotions flood out of me. The tears and the heavy breathing all come at once and I can barely catch a breath long enough to adequately fill my lungs. Derek grabs my hand and tells me everything is okay and that I should just breathe. He even counts to five each time he hears me inhale. By the time we get back to my house my breathing has calmed down, but the tears still come.

It’s then that I know I may have Derek, but in the process I lost Scott. 


	9. Night to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween. This is going to be a night to remember for Stiles, in many ways.

What followed was the worst week of my life. School was getting busier thanks to upcoming midterms, but my personal life was lonely. Scott still wasn’t talking to me nor was he giving me opportunities to explain to him the truth of that night. It didn’t mean that I didn’t try, at least once a day I tried to sit with him at lunch or corner him at his locker after school. No luck on all fronts. I now ate lunch alone in my car most days, just to avoid the awkwardness of people’s stares.

Being seniors meant that everyone knew about the notorious Scott and Stiles bromance. Most underclassmen wanted to be friends with us just to be able to get a glimpse of it up close. However, until now I hadn’t even really noticed how many people kept tabs on us. That’s the funny thing about popularity, you sometimes don’t notice it until it’s no longer there. I’d love to be able to say that Kira and Liam and Malia all went against Scott’s example, but they didn’t. They were too new to the pack to dare fight his pigheadedness. Lydia neither worried nor cared. Most days she would come home with me so that we could study or just spend time together.

She knew without saying just how much the split was hurting me. She knew without saying that I was teetering on the edge of losing my mind. She knew without saying that Derek was the only other person spending time with me these days.

The only thing that changed on October 31st was that my dad wasn’t home when I got home from school. His schedule had been an overnight the night before so he should’ve been there when I got back. However, a note on the fridge told me not to worry that he was simply putting in a couple hours at the station before heading over to the school to work security with Parrish for the Halloween Costume Dance. Originally Scott and I were gonna go to this thing dressed as each other, I was gonna be a werewolf and he was gonna wear my red hoodie. A sort of flip/role-reversal on the whole Red Riding Hood thing. I thought of the idea and Scott ate it up because he was just like a puppy with cute ideas like that. However, Lydia told me yesterday that now he was going as a couples costume with Kira. Lydia asked me to go with her to the dance, but I decided that I was just gonna stay in and cuddle with Derek.

Things between Derek and I were beginning to really heat up as time went on. We had only been dating for about 6-7 weeks, but I felt so comfortable with him it seemed more like years. It’s still weird to me that I find all this comfort and love in the arms of another guy, but each time I’m with Derek I worry about it a little less. I think deep down I kind of always knew I had a slight attraction to boys. I mean, I did constantly ask Danny if he found me attractive and I would make jokes about being gay to my dad. However, when faced with the reality of it I guess I am a little bit terrified.

A ping from my phone brings me out of my thoughts. I pick it up and sigh.

FROM: Fiery Red 4:23 PM

**I am coming over with a costume for tonight. No ifs, ands, or buts. Besides I told Derek to stay away tonight if he knew what’s best for him. You need to socialize Stiles.**

FROM: Fiery Red 4:24 PM

**Also I am bringing someone along that just might change your mind.**

I shake my head and slump down onto my bed. Sometimes I really hated that girl.

A few minutes later I hear the doorbell ring. I sigh as I get up from my bed and go to answer it. I have no idea just who Lydia has decided to bring, but I tell myself it better be good or I’m gonna shut the door in her face.

I open the door and on my doorstep is Lydia Martin in what can only be a Daphne from Scooby Doo costume. I smirk at her costume and simply flips her hair and steps inside, making the person behind her come into full view.

Danny Mahealani.

My shock must be evident on my face because Danny chuckles nervously before running a hand through his hair as he casts his gaze down to his feet. I move aside and invite him in. Danny shrugs his way past me and then awkwardly stands in the middle of my living room.

“So…” I start after closing the door.

“So, Danny is going to be your date to the dance tonight.” Lydia proudly states.

“WHAT?!” I balk at her and it’s obvious that Danny also wasn’t aware because his eyes are bugging out of his head in her direction.

“Look, Danny is newly back in town and you are publicly unattached. So it’s perfect.” Lydia shrugs, staring at her finger nails as she plops down onto the couch.

“I am not unattached.” I remind her with a pointed look.

Lydia sighs before replying “Stiles, I said _publicly_ unattached. I am well aware that you are dating Derek.”

“Derek?! As in Hale?! As in murdered his sister?” Danny balks, at me this time.

“Look Danny, Derek was cleared of that charge when the Sheriff, my dad, found out his crazy Uncle Peter did it. Remember, werewolves? Ethan is one of them.” I give Danny a look that tells him he shouldn’t be this far behind the news if he knew about Ethan’s furry alter ego.

“Yeah I remember about werewolves and how Scott is also one, but at the high school Derek wasn’t mentioned much. So all I know is what was reported on TV.” Danny says, giving me a look like ‘duh I’m not the Sheriff’s kid’.

“Okay fair enough. I still thought that everyone knew Derek was innocent.” I shrug.

“Okay now that we have established that Stiles is dating Derek and that Derek is innocent can we please move on to the costume part of this evening?” Lydia huffs impatiently.

It is in this moment that I realize Lydia is carrying a large paper sack.

“What’s in the bag, Lydia?” I exasperatedly ask, knowing full well no matter what it is I am going to be forced into wearing it.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing too terrible. However, since you guys are coming with me we had to coordinate.” Lydia says dismissively.

“I swear if the costume in that bag is a two person Scooby I am out. I am so out.” Danny throws up his hands in protest.

“You took the words right out of my mouth Danny boy.” I grin.

“Would you two calm down? It’s not a Scooby costume. It’s a Fred and Shaggy costume. Danny is obviously Fred and you are going to be Shaggy, Stiles.”

“Wait, why is Danny _obviously_ Fred? Are you trying to say I’m a hippie stoner? We all know that my dad would kill me if I was.”

“I only said that because Danny was always the jock persona. You are the chill albeit a bit flaily guy.” Lydia shrugs and gives us both a hard look.

I knew that meant there was no arguing with her. I was right. Not 30 minutes later Danny and I were both dressed in our crazy ensemble. I glance over at Danny in the hopes that he too was upset with her for forcing this on us. Danny gives me a shrug that says ‘might as well just go with it.’

“So is someone else gonna show up who is the fourth part of this Mystery Inc. ensemble?” I ask as we walk towards Lydia’s car.

“Malia is meeting us at the school dressed as Velma.” Lydia throws over her shoulder.

I glance at her car and then at ole faithful, Roscoe. I know that I won’t want to stay at the dance for very long and want to be able to make a clean getaway. So I hatch upon a plan.

“So, Danny and I are gonna follow you to the school in my jeep.” I tell Lydia, grabbing Danny’s arm in the process.

“We are?” Danny stutters, obviously unsure about the safety of Roscoe.

“Yep! After all we are going together and you deserve a bit of a break from Lydia before a night filled with her.” I grin.

“Whatever, just as long as you arrive at the school about the same time as me. If you don’t I will call the Sheriff and report you as missing.” Lydia threatens me.

“You wouldn’t?!” I gasp in mock protest. Lydia doesn’t respond, instead she gives an eye roll before her signature hair flip.

Danny and I clamber into my jeep. It is now abundantly clear that Danny doesn’t trust this jeep in the slightest. I reassure him that it may seem banged up but, really it’s gotten me through some close scrapes. I want to give him examples, but one look his way and I know that he is wanting none of the details.

“Malia and I even had sex in this jeep.” I say, just to see his reaction.

“That is seriously gross Stilinski.” Danny grimaces.

“I was not being serious. I just wanted to see your reaction.” I laugh.

Danny is silent for a few more minutes. Then he asks, “So you are bisexual?”

“I don’t know if that is the label I would use.” I start to say and then just drop my train of thought.

“Well you date both girls and guys right?”

“I have dated one girl and currently, potentially dating a guy. Not one hundred percent sure we are dating though since we haven’t actually gone on a date.”

“Well you were slobbering over Lydia for many years. What does that tell you? You are bisexual.”

“Glad we are here to put a label on my love life. I don’t need a label. I’m just me. How would you feel if I went around labelling you as gay?”

“Umm, fine because I am.”

“What if you didn’t feel that you were necessarily gay just that you feel more attracted to the personalities of people like Ethan, who happen to by guys.”

“I would still not care about being called gay. By definition gay means you are attracted to the same sex.”

“But, what if it was about more than the gender? What if it was because that person makes you feel comfortable and safe? What if it’s because this one person can ease your mind better than anyone you know? What if it’s because you fell for their passion and compassion? None of those things are centered on gender.” I try my hardest to explain my feelings for Derek to Danny.

“I had no idea. Is this why you like Derek? Just because I’m gay and open minded, to people doing whatever makes them happy, doesn’t mean that I fully understand all aspects of life.” Danny says softly. It is clear to me that he is someone I wish I was closer friends with.

I am about to ask him a question when we pull into the school parking lot next to Lydia’s blue car. She is upon us like a bat out of hell so any further discussion between us is futile. I make a mental note to try and get Danny alone at some point tonight so I can ask him a few more questions.

“Ready to have a good time?” Lydia asks as she pointedly looks at me.

“Lydia, you dragging me here and dressing me up doesn’t mean that I am automatically going to have a good time.” I sigh.

“No, but being with me sure will.” Danny mischievously grins as he wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“Lydia!” I hear Malia before I see her.

Malia looks stunning as Velma and for a second I regret letting her go. Then I remember that no matter how good looking she is it doesn’t make up for the lack of connection between us. We both smile awkwardly at each other before turning and heading into the school.

Walking in the doors I can already hear the music pouring from the gym. I can also see my dad and Parrish set up as security at the doors to the gym. Just ahead of us I see Scott and Kira enter the dance together, dressed as a couple of cops. Totally lame if you ask me. Either way I stop and hesitate a bit. I don’t really want to run into him right now.

Lydia rolls her eyes, seeing my hesitation, and grabs my arm. “Come on Stilinski! This group costume only works if we are all present. Including you, Shaggy.”

Danny places his hand on my back and leans in whispering, “I think it turns her on to be so controlling of everything.”

I snort back a laugh and continue forward thinking that being Danny’s date to this thing just might make it bearable after all.

\---------------------------------------------------------

A little over an hour later the dance is in full swing and Danny is actually proving to be a most patient dance partner. Let’s be real, my dance moves are closer to flailing than actual dancing. I am close to being ready to high tail it out of there. I have played along all this time because I know Lydia has been watching from her spot in the thick of it all with Malia. If I didn’t know better I would say they are a couple. The way they are dancing is actually kind of hot.

I turn to Danny and open my mouth to ask him if he wanted to get out of here, when all hell breaks loose. I hear some student’s screaming and running back into the gym from where they had been in the school beyond. I look towards where I know Scott is and see that he is running towards the gym exits with Liam and Kira. I have an itching to follow them, but then the harsh reality of the situation comes crashing back to me. They don’t want me there and I shouldn’t distract them in the time of crisis. So instead I grab Danny’s hand and drag him towards the gym exit that leads to the outside. We are halfway to it when I see that my dad is being attacked by a big black beast. I open my mouth to scream right as the beast strikes my dad to the ground, the scream dies in my throat. I feel myself sinking to the floor.

“No. No. No. No. No. No. No.” I repeat over and over again, as all the students rush past me to exit the building.

I can’t lose my dad. I just can’t. He’s all I have left.

“Come on Stiles,” I hear softly as someone pulls me back to my feet and slowly pulls me towards the exit.

I am still in shock when the cool, October air hits my face. I come out of it enough to see a battalion of sheriff cars and an ambulance are parked near the school. I look for Scott and the rest of my former pack, but I can’t find them anywhere. Turning to the person who got me out of the school I expect to see Danny, but instead I come face to face with Lydia. She is rubbing soothing circles on my back as Danny stands back from her, unsure what he’s supposed to do.

“My dad is inside! I have to get my dad! That beast hurt him. I can’t let him die, Lydia.” I start screaming at the brave red head once I find my voice.

“STILES! Your dad is being taken care of as we speak. Why don’t you have me drive you to the hospital and I’ll have Danny take my car back to my house. Sound okay?” Lydia says soothingly, the most comforting I have ever heard her speak.

I climb into the passenger seat of my own jeep. This is weird because I have never been on this side before. I’m always the one driving my baby, but Lydia knows as well as I do that I am in no state to drive. I sit back and close my eyes against the tears threatening to fall. _There have been too many close calls with my dad in the past six months. This one is the closest of them all and it completely terrifies me. The worst part? Scott was nowhere near my dad when the beast got to him. Why wouldn’t Scott be trying to protect my dad? Where else could he possibly have been? I know he’s mad at me but, does that really mean he can’t try and help protect my dad? Malia was able to come to my dad’s defense, even Kira doubled back to help. Why the hell didn’t Scott?_ My mind continues to flood with conflicted feelings of hurt, anger, and fear. I feel like I am about to explode from all these feelings if I don’t get some good news about my dad soon.

We arrive at the hospital and Lydia barely has time to park the jeep before I am running in the front doors. I am screaming at the front desk clerk when, not for the first time tonight, I feel someone’s hand on my shoulder. This time when I turn it’s not Lydia but, Mrs. McCall. Her face shows the deep concern that I have always associated with Scott being hurt. That’s when I know it must be grim with my dad if she looks like this.

“Where is he?” I turn my attention to her.

“He’s in surgery, but Stiles you have to remain calm or they are going to have to throw you out. I know you are worried. He’s going to be fine. Just wait here in the waiting room.” Mrs. McCall reaches out to me but, the reminder that her son is Royal Dick Number 1 right now has me cowering away.

I slump down in a cold hard plastic chair and wait. I know my dad is in good hands here at Beacon Hills Memorial, but I can’t help worrying that something is gonna go terribly wrong. After what seems like hours of me living in my head I hear a body drop into the seat next to me.

“So what’s the verdict?” Lydia says concerned.

“He’s in surgery, probably will be for a while.” I shrug, slumped over with my elbows on my knees, staring at my hands.

“You know your dad is tough as nails. He’s gonna pull through.” Lydia grabs one of my hands and squeezes it.

We sit there together, silently for the next couple of hours. Every time a doctor comes into the waiting room I look up anxiously hoping he or she is there for me. Each time that they’re not I become more agitated and anxious. Lydia can tell I’m becoming more and more unsettled as the time progresses so she pulls me closer to her and holds me to let me know I’m not alone.

Finally, a doctor walks into the waiting room. I watch as he walks to the nurse at the desk and she then points in my direction. I sit up straighter, which causes Lydia to rearrange her position as well. She places a hand softly on the top of my arm and whispers that she’s gonna head out now. I force a smile at her as my way of saying thanks.

“Mr. Stilinski?” the doctor, Dr. Harris, approaches me and asks.

“Yeah. I’m Stiles. John Stilinski is my father.” I bite my bottom lip nervously as I stand up and look at him.

“Your father made it through surgery just fine. We are simply waiting for him to wake up, which I am sure will be by tomorrow morning.”

“Can I see him?” I ask once Dr. Harris stops talking.

“Yes, but only for a few minutes because technically visiting hours are over.” He replies and turns to lead me to my father’s room.

We walk to the elevator and go up to the third floor. The seconds we are in that small box seem to tick by so slowly, like each one is a million years instead of just a second. Stepping off the elevator I feel as if this huge weight is being lifted slowly off my chest. Dr. Harris leads me to room 3022.

The view I am met with almost takes my breath away. There is a heart monitor beeping out each of my dad’s heartbeats. There is another machine pushing oxygen into my dad’s lungs through a big tube in his mouth. He looks so small laying there in the bed, in the room that is softly lit by a single lamp on the bedside stand. Dr. Harris leaves me to have a moment alone. I slowly cross the room and sit down in the chair next to the bed.

I look my dad up and down before I give a watery sigh and say, “Remember what you used to always say to me when you’d go to work after mom died? You would promise me that you’d always come back to me. Back then I believed you because you would always come back.”

I pause to gulp down a breath and sniff a bit of the snot starting to run out my nose. I don’t really get outwardly emotional very often but, seeing my dad so weak and fragile in the bed like this has me freaking out, unable to contain the tears that fall.

“Don’t make a non-believer out of me, dad! I need you to come back. I can’t do this without you. I know that lately I’ve been moody and distant, but that’s only because I’ve been dealing with my own shit and I didn’t want to burden you with it. I promise though, if you get out of this I am gonna tell you everything. I mean EVERYTHING. No more secrets dad. I promise. Just please wake up.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------

I slowly drag myself up the driveway and into our house. The block around me is quiet and dark, as if no one has any idea what just transpired at the high school in the last few hours. I pull out my front door key and turn it in the lock. The house is dark and silent, which makes me feel that much more alone. As I close and lock the door behind me I reach for the living room light switch and turn it on. What my eyes are met with when I do turn on the lights almost makes me scream from surprise.

Derek is sitting on the couch. He’s sitting there as if he belongs there and it’s totally normal. I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding. For some reason it is a total relief that Derek is here to greet me when so much shit has happened in my life lately.

“Hey.” Derek says softly as he stands up and wraps me in a hug.

“How?” I manage to squeak out before burying my face in Derek’s chest.

“Lydia texted me an hour ago. She said that something terrible happened at the dance and that you would need me tonight.” Derek rubs his hands up and down my back.

“My dad. He, uhh… he was attacked. The doctor’s did all they could. The doctor said that he’s fine, but you didn’t see him. He was….” I stop midway because I can’t even put words to how terrified I was for my father’s safety.

Derek pulls me away from his chest and places both of his hands on either sides of my face to focus my attention on him.

“Hey look at me. Your dad is tough. He’s gonna pull through just fine. You will see.” Derek’s voice reassures me in a way no one else has yet been able to tonight.

Then his lips are on mine and my mind goes blank. It’s as if Derek has discovered the cure to my panicked thoughts. His lips press against mine in a soft, yet urgent manner that goes straight to my dick. I moan against his lips as I wrap myself around him in a way similar to an octopus. Our kisses become extremely urgent and Derek is leading me towards the stairs. Or am I leading him? Which is it? I mean he is going backwards but his body is ahead of mine. Oh well, we are headed up the stairs no matter who is leading.

A niggling at the back of my mind tells me that I should probably put a pin in this and think this through before proceeding. However, my heart is commanding this charge and my heart says full speed ahead.

As if he’s able to read my mind, Derek pulls away just as we breech my bedroom.

“Is this really the time for this? I mean your dad…” He doesn’t get the full statement out before I have shoved him against my bed forcing him onto his back. I stare him down with hungry eyes as I take off the shirt component of my Shaggy costume. My eyes continue to stare at him as I reach forward and grab at his belt. Derek’s hands meet mine, to help, as he too continues to stare at me. In no time at all Derek’s belt is undone and he is working on taking his shirt off.

He leans forward to capture my lips once more in a kiss. I work on my pants as I pant into his mouth in between kisses. I have never been this far with a guy before. The thought alone is thrilling, but also terrifying. _What if I don’t impress him? What if it’s not exciting enough for him? What if I fail?_

“Turn off your brain, unless it’s telling you it wants to stop.” Derek growls, once again seeing through my inward panic.

“Nah, we’re good.” I reply with a cheeky smile and another surging kiss as the last of our clothing makes it to the floor.

Next thing I know I’m in the midst of the biggest thrill of my life. Feeling Derek’s skin against mine as we rut and grind. My hips fit against his perfectly, as if we were made two halves of the same whole. Derek’s hands run up and down and all around. As do mine. We are discovering each other for the first time. All my thoughts and fears about my father and my anger towards Scott are all forgotten as Derek kisses me and looks lovingly into my eyes.

I vaguely hear him ask about lube and condoms. I aimlessly grab at my bedside table’s drawer. Ever since Derek and I had started this, whatever we wanted to call it, I had been prepared. Derek chuckles as I fail epicly at putting the condom on him. It’s not a teasing laugh though, it’s one of love. Derek lubes up his fingers and starts working on my hole, slowly. His eyes never leave mine the whole time. If I had any fears or concerns about sex with another guy before this, they are all dispelled by how gentle Derek is.

Then his finger hits the good spot and I see stars. I moan out in ecstasy. I beg Derek for more and he gives it to me. Before long I am breathless and grabbing his shoulders hard.

“I want you inside me.” I breathe out before leaning over and kissing him hard.

Derek smiles and gently rolls over so that I’m on the bed and he is on top of me. He gently places the tip at my hole, my desire is so great my hips buck up to urge him inside. As with his preparing me Derek is slow and gentle. I turn my head slightly and urge him to move. I grab fistfuls of my pillow as Derek pumps into me, harder and harder with each one.

Before I know it I am cumming all over my sheets and Derek is grunting his load inside of me. It is the best feeling I have ever had. I want to feel this way forever. As soon as Derek pulls out though, all the memories of the day come rushing back.

School. Dance. Danny. Beast. Dad. Hospital. Tears. Tubes. Fear.

I lay on my back and rub my hand down my face. I immediately feel awful for what I just did. Not because I didn’t want it, but because it hadn’t been the best time for it. Derek rolls onto his side and starts tracing his finger up and down my arm. We are both breathless, sweaty, and sticky. I wordlessly get up from my bed, grab my boxers, cross the room to the door, and cross the hall to the bathroom. Once I shut the bathroom door I sink to the floor.

My thoughts are a mess. I love that Derek and I did what we did, in fact it was the most blissful thing I’d done in months. However, I can’t help feeling that I was wrong to do it while my dad lay in a hospital severely hurt. I should have been by his side watching over him, instead I let myself believe that going home was the best option and that jumping Derek’s bones was a good way to ease my mind. Which is was but, at the same time it wasn’t a permanent fix.

My breath shudders as I feel tears prickling behind my eyes. I feel like the worst son in the world. There is a soft knock at the door that brings me out of my mental spiral.

“Stiles. You ok? You wanna talk?” Derek’s voice is edged with concern.

“Can we just forget what just happened? Just go away. I don’t need you Derek. I need to focus on my dad. This was a bad idea.” I breathe out before closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the door.

After what seems like hours I hear the front door open and shut. Then silence. I am alone. I asked Derek to leave and he did.

_Derek is just like everyone else. My mom, Scott, the pack. They all left. I’m sure my dad is gonna leave soon too. The only one in my life who hasn’t left is Lydia and that’s just because she’s too stubborn to see it. I am a curse. I bring nothing but pain and suffering to those around me. It’s my fault Scott became a werewolf. If I hadn’t asked him to go into the forest with me that night he never would have been bitten. Derek suffered through me because I dragged him into so many of our messes. He didn’t want anything to do with Scott and me but I begged Scott to get him to train him, then after that I kept dragging Derek in. Then he decided dating me was a good idea. Look where that landed. He and I having sex right after my dad was brutally attacked. My dad. If I hadn’t caused Scott to get bitten and if I hadn’t stayed friends with him, then dad never would have gotten dragged into the supernatural. He would have remained a clueless Sheriff who could go home at night without a worry in the world._

Yeah I am better off without anyone. So when my phone chimes with a text I choose not to respond.

FROM: SourWolf 12:30am

**I know you need your space right now, but don’t think this means I’m gone for good. See you tomorrow.**


	10. Commission Art by Infected Colors for Everything Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So while I try my hardest to find the time to finish Chapter 10 of this fic I wish to share with you the art I had commissioned for this fic. Please be patient with me. I am trying my best to find time to write, but life is crazy hectic right now. Thanks for all the support my lovelies.

  
[ ](http://s1152.photobucket.com/user/Mary_Misasi/media/FDSAFDSA22%20copy_zpsatut3anm.png.html)   



	11. Chapter 10: The Worst Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a major death in this chapter. I really hope you guys don't kill me for it. This chapter was hard to write because of the death, part of the reason it took so long for me to update. However, the death is necessary to start bringing this fic to a close. Please let me know what you think, good or bad.

The next day I am out the door and headed to the hospital by 9 am. I didn’t sleep much, but that’s nothing new. I suffer with insomnia many nights, even more so during moments of stress for me. This means, since my sophomore year I have probably only gotten a handful of complete nights of sleep. Last night was definitely not one of them. I only slept for about an hour and even that was fitful.

I get to the hospital just as the new set of nurses are coming on shift. Mrs. McCall is just leaving as I enter and she stops me. Her face is riddled with concern. I can’t determine whether it’s because of my current fight with Scott or my dad. Either way, the look makes me uncomfortable so I look away.

“Stiles. I was watching over your dad all night. He slept fine and had no new problems come up. I think he’s going to be okay.”

I shrug away from her touch on my shoulder and continue inside. I immediately walk past the front desk to a set of elevators just down the hall. I punch the 3 as if it had wronged me personally. Once again the seconds seem to take hours. I want nothing more than to see for myself that my father is doing okay. That, Melissa’s assessment of his condition is correct.

The elevator dings and I am met with a scene of chaos. There are doctors and nurses rushing to a room just down the hall. In fact, as I watch them rushing I realize one thing. The room they are running towards is my fathers. The world comes crashing in and the hallway seems to lengthen right before my eyes. I feel the crushing weight on my chest of the coming panic and I scramble for something to grab onto. My breaths come in shorter and shorter with each passing one. I am starting to black out just as I hear myself make a horrifying, guttural sound reminiscent of a scream.

Then as suddenly as it was there, the panic is gone. I feel a set of arms wrapped around me from behind. One of the hands are rubbing the hair out of my face and a voice is whispering words of comfort and encouragement into my ear. As I finally come back to my full reality, I realize exactly whose voice it is. Derek Hale.

I quickly turn and open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

“I spent the night in the waiting room here. After you dismissed me, I decided to come and make sure your dad was okay. Also, I knew that you’d be here first thing this morning and I wanted to be sure I could be there for you.” Derek says softly, rubbing the pad of his thumb on my face. His eyes never leave mine, and oddly enough it comes as a comfort to me.

“But, but, but…I told you to go away.” I quietly stammer.

“You think that you simply telling me to go because you’re scared is gonna make me run?” Derek smiles at me, “Then you clearly don’t know me. I’m here for you. No one else. You’re the only reason I came back to this town.”

“Derek, I…” I start but soon lose all ability to formulate words. I want to tell him just how much this means to me, him being here for me as well as my dad.

Suddenly, Derek’s lips are on mine and the world falls away. The screams of the alarm system to my dad’s room fades away. For a second I feel as though nothing in my world is wrong. I am not estranged from my best friend, my father isn’t fighting for his life, and I’m not worried about college. Everything is completely fine and wonderful. The kiss has powers beyond anything anyone could imagine. I have been kissing Derek for some time now but, for some reason this one was different. It held all the comfort and reassurances I needed in that moment.

A clearing of the throat causes us to separate. Derek stands a little taller and grabs my hand for comfort.

“Mr. Stilinski. Your father-“

I suddenly grip Derek’s hand for dear life as my other hand covers my mouth. I shake my head and mutter no over and over again. My whole body begins to shake. Derek lets go of his hand only to wrap me up into a tight side embrace. Holding my body against his own in comfort and understanding.

“Mr. Stilinski. Your father is still alive, but only just. He suffered a massive stroke just now and it’s unsure whether he will recover or even wake up. I am terribly sorry. If there is anything you need just let us know.” The doctor looks at me somberly, as if he was genuinely sorry for what was happening to me, a teenager he didn’t even know.

I lift my head from its resting place on Derek’s shoulder to try and respond to the kind doctor. However, the minute I open my mouth another sob chokes out.

“Thank you. We just wish to see him.” Derek tells the doctor for me. In that moment I could worship him for stepping in and being the voice when mine had left.

“Of course. You can go right ahead.” The doctor gives me a tight lipped smile that doesn’t reach past his cheeks.

Derek walks with me down the hall, not once pulling away from our close proximity. This solid body against mine as I walk remains a constant comfort as I get ever closer to the harsh reality I know lies in room 3022.

 _My dad is dying._ The words that are on a loop through my brain as I try to stop the tears from flooding down my cheeks.

Derek rubs his hand up and down my arm in comfort as I come to a stop just outside his room.

“You can do this.” Derek leans over and whispers in my ear.

I turn to him, still crying. “I can’t Derek. I can’t. I watched my mom die when I was a child. I can’t go through that again. Not with my dad, not anyone.”

Derek doesn’t respond with words, instead he wraps me into a tight hug. He knows just what I need to hear without even saying it. His embrace replaces the words unsaid. He is there. He is present. He is not going to run away. Derek will be my rock in the days to come. All that said with just a hug.

A timid squeak from behind us brings me out of my head and my overwhelming grief. Standing behind Derek is none other than Scott McCall.

“What are you doing here?” I hiss at him. I angrily wipe away the tears on my cheeks.

“My mom told me that your dad was in the hospital because of last night’s attack.” Scott nervously looks at his hands.

A sudden rage builds up under the surface and I want to punch him in the face. However, Derek clearly knows what I am thinking and he tightens his grip on me. I can’t get close enough to Scott to touch him, but my words to him still can.

“No thanks to you! Where were you Scott? Where were you when that beast slashed my dad’s chest? Where were you when I needed you? Where have you been all fucking semester? Curled up with Kira and believing that snake Theo!” my words bite angrily and cause Scott to take a step back as if he actually has been punched.

“Stiles, I-“ Scott stammers and then stops. He sighs as if he realizes it isn’t worth it. Without another word, Scott turns around and walks back down the hall.

I scream out in frustration and pound my fist on Derek’s chest for good measure. Derek doesn’t say anything, once again he remains a stoic figure while I lose my shit. After what seems like hours I am finally no longer angry, but once again just broken.

_My dad is dying._

Walking into my dad’s hospital room I am shocked to see him looking exactly like he had the night before. Despite him being in a worse condition none of the machines were different, nor were there any added new ones. My dad still looked peaceful laying there in the bed. I tentatively walk up to his bed and take his hand.

I look back at Derek, who is standing by the door as if to give me support while also giving us our space. I give him a forced smile and then turn my attention completely to my dad.

“Hey dad.” I start, in a whisper, before sitting down in the chair. “So the doc says you may never wake up again. He doesn’t know you though, right? You are a fighter. You don’t just roll over and let the world take you. So I know as well as you do that this isn’t gonna lick ya. You are gonna wake up and recover and then get back on the horse.” My voice starts to choke up at the last half.

I want to believe that my dad is going to be just fine, but the doctor’s words still scare me. He did say that there was no guarantee that my dad was even gonna come out of his coma. It’s like I am transported back to being a ten year-old kid again, watching helplessly as my mom lost her battle with life.

“Dad. Please! You just gotta wake up. I still need you to help me figure things out. You promised to always be there, that I’d always have you. Remember when mom died? You swore that I wasn’t gonna lose you too. What happened to that promise, huh? You forget you made it? I need you. Please dad.”

I place my head on his chest and cry. I cling tight to his hand even though his usual warmth and comfort isn’t there. I desperately hope for some sign that my dad was still in there. That he was fighting to the surface. That there was any kind of hope.

 

I lift my head some time later and realize that time has passed. Based on the brightness outside it is now clearly afternoon instead of morning. I must have fallen asleep. My dad remains on the bed, unchanged; still in a coma. I turn my body slightly to look towards where I last saw Derek. He is no longer there. While part of me is relieved to know that Derek isn’t there hovering to make sure I’m okay, another part of me is internally freaking out because he isn’t there to lend me any comfort.

Just then a door opens and in walks a nurse. She is young, clearly fresh out of school. I look at her warily as she starts to check my dad over. She hums softly as she does so, clearly not realizing how tragic this situation is for me, the family. I glare at her until she seems to realize I am there.

“Oh. Hello. Just checking on Mr. Stilinski’s vitals and his brain activity readings.” She says in a perky tone.

“Sheriff.” I mumble, looking sadly at the shell of what was once my dad. That I was hoping against hope would become him once again.

“Excuse me?” She asks, clearly confused.

“He’s the sheriff.” I respond. Finally looking her in the eyes.

“Oh. I am terribly sorry. I never thought…” she starts before hastily turning back to her assigned task.

“Yeah. You didn’t think” I snap. I don’t really want to be harsh to her, after all she doesn’t know anything, but I’m so upset in general anyone coming in contact with me was likely to suffer.

I see her rush out and a part of me is happy for the time alone with my dad. I turn my attention back to him and turn on the TV to the news channel. I carry on a one-sided conversation about all the stories.

“It turns out that since you’ve been unconscious the sheriff’s department seems to think they’ve found out the culprit of your attack. Well if they think it’s a mountain lion then they are in for a surprise.” I chuckle a bit, giving my father a knowing look. “That means you gotta wake up and show them what’s really going on, or at least help us take down this beast so it doesn’t hurt anyone else. I really hate being the begging type so for once could you just listen to me and do as I say?” The tears are flowing silently down my cheeks at this point. I sniff and roughly rub my fist across my eyes.

I was so focused on talking with my dad that I don’t hear the door open and close as someone enters the room. I don’t realize the presence until I look up after wiping away my tears. Standing before me is Lydia Martin.

“Lyds? What are you doing here?” I croak.

“Derek called me this morning saying your dad took a turn. He thought you could use the support.” Lydia replies as she steps closer to me.

“Where is Derek?”

“He is downstairs at the nurse’s station talking to Melissa, who just came on duty.”

“I’d rather it was him here instead of you.” I sneer rudely at Lydia. If she had been my dad’s nurse I’m sure she would’ve buckled under my wrath, but she isn’t so she didn’t.

“Well, you have me. Now treat me a bit nicer. I’m only here to give you moral support. You can’t just shove everyone away and hope that things will be better. I may not fully know what you are going through but, I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love.” Lydia pulls up a second chair next to me and plops down in it, grabbing my hand in the process.

“Sorry.” I mumble “I’m just going through a lot right now. Please excuse my tone of voice.”

“I will not. However, you are forgiven. Now we can either sit here and talk or we can just as easily sit here silently.” Lydia squeezes my hand.

At first I just stare blankly at my dad without saying a word. Having the constant feel of Lydia’s hand in mine is definitely a comfort. The silence isn’t as quiet and lonely as it had been previously. I guess having a friend there really does help.

“The doctor says he may never recover.” I say after many minutes of silence pass between us.

“Oh, Stiles.” Lydia’s voice drips with sympathy. I feel her slip her hand out of mine and physically turn me so that she can hug me.

In the arms of the one friend who believed in me despite all that had happened, I found myself able to openly cry. I just let out all my fears and frustrations from the past 24 hours. I know that my tears must be ruining Lydia’s designer top, but still I cry and sniffle onto her shoulder. She rubs my back and whisper words of comfort as the crying goes on longer than I had expected. Even though she has never lost a parent, Lydia is able to give me the comfort I so desperately need in this moment.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

The shrill beeps coming from my dad’s bed break up Lydia and I. In a panicked mode I frantically search the monitors for some kind of clue as to what is going on. Before I can figure anything out though, I am being dragged out of the room by a nurse. Lydia is still holding onto me so she is dragged out as well. I feel myself screaming at the nurse, but my brain doesn’t register any of the words.

Eventually I register that the beeps are not as loud as they just were and the arms comforting me are not small and petite like Lydia’s, they are large and muscly. Derek. Lydia is there, sitting in a chair, but it’s no longer her comforting me.

Once again, Derek is there to keep me grounded during my time of panic and terror. He doesn’t say anything, he just hugs me tight and rubs his hands on my back and head; giving me a steady flow of comfort. I continue to blubber and scream and pound on Derek. Never once does he back down. Never once does he let go. He just holds me tighter as my world comes crashing down.

After what seems like hours the doctor comes to find me. I am no longer sobbing uncontrollably, but a steady stream of tears still silently fall. Derek grabs my hand and squeezes it tight in an effort to let me know that he is there. No matter what happens. I stare blankly at the doctor. I see his mouth moving, but for some reason I can’t hear any of the words he is saying.

Derek shakes my shoulder and I turn my attention to him.

“Did you hear him?” Derek kindly whispers.

“What?” I ask.

“Mr. Stilinski. Your father suffered yet another stroke. I am sorry, but at this time there is no chance of a recovery.” The doctor somberly repeats.

“What?!” I say, in my shock no other words come.

“We can make him comfortable while you say your good-byes and make all the necessary arrangements.” The doctor responds to me. It is obvious from his face he is sorry that he had to be the bearer of such news.

One final time I walk down the hallway to room 3022. For the final time I turn the knob and hesitate before going in. For a final time I look to Derek to help get me through the threshold. For the final time Derek gives me a soft little nudge. For the final time I slowly walk towards my dad’s bedside and grab his barely warm hand.

A sob wracks my body as I look at my dad. The man who has seen me through everything with a strong will and a loving touch. The man who worked double shifts so that I wouldn’t ever have to worry about not having the money for things. The man who not only protected our town but, my life as well. The man who would sit with me on Sundays and watch the Mets play, not once arguing about it. The man who could always see right through my bullshit, even if I didn’t always want to be honest with him. The man who was patient beyond any measurable amount. The man who made me the person I am today. The man who trusted me even when the world screamed he shouldn’t. The man who was my dad.

I think all of these things and try desperately to come up with exactly the right words to say to him that would suffice as a good-bye.

“You know, I really was gay. That day you caught me outside the club. I think you knew it too, but you didn’t want to admit it, just like I didn’t either. I think you would’ve liked getting to know Derek. He’s been great through all the crap this year, especially the stuff I never got around to telling you about. I sometimes wish that the supernatural world would’ve never entered our lives. You’d probably still be just fine and I wouldn’t have the stress and anxiety I currently have. Then I think of how close that world brought us. Our bond was made stronger because of this secret world we both knew about. I just hope that once you are gone I can continue to be the man you always thought I was, especially those times I couldn’t see it for myself.” I sniffle out as I kiss my dad on the head. “I love you dad.”

Derek is there holding me as the nurse from before comes in and starts the process of turning off his life support machines. I cling tightly to his side and duck my head into his shoulder so that I don’t have to watch it all end. When the nurse is finished Derek nudges me and I look up. He nods his head towards my dad and I turn around. I watch as the last bit of life leaves his body. Derek catches me as my body sags towards the ground.

I don’t know how long we stand there, me once more screaming and crying uncontrollably and Derek just holding onto me. After a bit of time though, when my sobs have turned to hiccups and I am able to stand on my own once more, though Derek still hugs me to his side, Derek whispers softly that I should say whatever else it is that I need to say and then we should go.

I turn to my dad and placing one final kiss on his cheek, “Say hello to mom for me, ok?”

Then Derek and I slowly walk out of 3022 forever and back down the hallway. I lean heavily on Derek as we do because, physically and emotionally I am spent. This has been the worst 24 hours of my life and the only person who truly understands it is the one by my side.


	12. Good-bye is the hardest thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles says good-bye.

The next week rushes by in a blur. I can’t seem to wrap my head around anything productive in regards to my father’s funeral. In the end I think Melissa McCall and Derek really stepped in and helped plan it the most. Lydia helped a bit too, but mostly in the sense of trying to get me involved. I vaguely remember her dragging me to a floral shop and a caterer. I honestly don’t remember saying much of anything.

Through it all Derek was there, steadfast and true. Even if all I was doing was sitting on the couch in our front room staring blankly at the wall. The video game console that just a few short months ago was used to bond me and Scott just a bit more, lays on the floor forgotten. The TV hasn’t even been turned on in the entire week since that day.

That day. Even now I can’t bring myself to even think of the words. My father’s death hangs in the air like a terrible fog, but I can’t even bring myself to think long about it. I haven’t cried since that day in his hospital room. I heard Lydia whisper to Melissa and Derek the other day that it’s because my heart is so broken my body doesn’t know how to react. Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is nothing in this world seems to matter anymore.

My worries about killing Donovan have all but disappeared. My fight with Scott, while still ongoing is no longer at the forefront of my brain. Except when I think about the dance and how his complacency led to my dad…

Nope. I steal myself away from going there. I won’t think about him or Scott in the same moment. Those feelings don’t deserve to be mixed. I want only to think about him throwing his coat on with one hand wrapped around a coffee mug on those cold, chilly mornings. Or his eyes twinkling as he laughs about something I’ve said. There is no doubt in my mind that my father loves me. Loved, I correct myself. Loved.

In all my years of worrying about him I never actually thought I would ever have to think of him in the past tense. Sure I was worried, but I always knew in the back of my mind that he was strong and would pull through anything. Until he wasn’t.

As the tears prick the back of my eyes I shove my lids closed and press my fists against my legs. Soon the tears are gone and the fog sinks back over everything. I let my thoughts wander once more. Soon enough I feel the couch sink with the weight of another person. I know it is Derek. Even without looking I know it is him.

You see, if Lydia had sat down should would have immediately started pep talking. Which normally I roll my eyes at and move on, but right now it just annoys the crap out of me and I usually end up moving or snapping at her. If it had been Melissa I would’ve had to move out of reach of her or she would start mothering me. She would swipe her hands through my hair, hug me, rub my back, and whisper comforting statements.

With Derek it’s always great because he just sits there. He doesn’t say anything. Out of all the people I know he understands my grief better than anyone. After all he too lost his entire family. Pretty much all at once. I at least had ten or so years between my parents dying. Today is no different than any of the others that we have sat silently staring at nothing. His soft presence is the biggest comfort I could ever ask for.

A ding from my phone breaks the silence between us. I roll my eyes, I know it’s going to be yet another condolence from some “friend” who means well but is honestly getting on my nerves.

FROM: SourWolf 2:20pm

**I know you don’t want to talk. Just know that when words fail text messages don’t. :)**

I silently look from my phone to Derek who is looking at me with a mixture of love and concern. I don’t really know what to say to him. So I just give him a clearly forced, small smile.

TO: SourWolf 2:22pm

**I wouldn’t even know where to start.**

FROM: SourWolf 2:22pm

**How about with the fact that we bury him tomorrow.**

TO: SourWolf 2:25pm

**Something a bit easier. Please. I can’t think about it. Right now it’s in the abstract, if I talk about it it becomes real.**

FROM: SourWolf 2:25pm

**I’m not going to push you but you have to face it. It’s happening tomorrow.**

TO: SourWolf 2:26pm

**Give me one more day of faint hope that this is just a sick joke and my father will come through the front door at any moment.**

FROM: SourWolf 2:27pm

**Okay. But only because I understand the need and desire for that hope. I ever tell you about how I almost didn’t go to the memorial service for my family?**

TO: SourWolf 2:27pm

**NO! Why?**

FROM: SourWolf 2:29pm

**Because I wanted to hold onto the hope that I was trapped in a nightmare. But your dad came to me and told me it would do me good to say good bye, even if I didn’t want to.**

TO: SourWolf 2:30pm

**I didn’t know my dad talked to you back then. That was around the time my mom died.**

FROM: SourWolf 2:31pm

**Yeah she died a few months later. I think he really wanted to make sure I would be okay. Being one of only 3 survivors. Being a teen with no parents anymore. He had no idea the guilt I felt though.**

FROM: SourWolf 2:30pm

**Guilt that I know you are feeling about his death. Stiles, there is nothing you could have done. There was no way you could’ve protected him.**

TO: SourWolf 2:31pm

**My dad was great like that. It’s why he became a cop. So he could help people in the only way he knew how.**

TO: SourWolf 2:32pm

**Derek. How do I go forward? My dad was all I had. I feel I can’t do anything anymore.**

Derek puts down his phone and grabs me into a warm hug. He squeezes me and for the first time in a week I feel the weight of the world that was on my shoulder slowly seep away. Derek is there. He is present. He will never let me fall to the point where I can’t get up.

“I am here. You still have me. I know it’s going to take time, but your life will begin to feel ‘normal’ again.” Derek whispers into my ear as he continues to embrace me.

 

 

The next day I wake up in my bedroom, only I know that it won’t be my bedroom for long. With me not turning 18 until April the state has decided that I can’t live on my own. Fuck that noise. I’ve been living independent of my father, for the most part, for almost 4 years. However, laws are laws and even I can’t get around this one. It’s kind of ironic that I am notorious for skirting the line but, when it came down to it there was no way to cross it during the only moment I’ve ever wanted to.

So, in a terrible turn of events I have to now live with Melissa McCall and Scott, who I haven’t really spoken to since he accused me of being a cold blooded murderer that day in the courtyard. Melissa knows there is friction between us, but she thinks that a little warmth and coddling will change that. Not a chance. When I needed him the most Scott decided that our lifetime of trust wasn’t worth shit compared to that of Theo’s. So again I say, fuck that noise.

I know that after the funeral service today I have 48 hours to make sure my whole life in this house is either sold off or packed up into boxes. How do you say good-bye to a whole life?

After throwing on a pair of sweats and a ratty t-shirt I walk slowly down our hall. Images of the life my dad made here with me and my mom is evident at every turn. There are frozen moments where my mom is laughing or smiling as she cooked or kissing me or my dad. The wallpaper that my mom put up, with only a little help from my dad as she used to say, when they first moved in feels soft under my fingertips. My dad’s worn out baseball cap still hangs on the back of a chair, like he left it the last time he was off. Most importantly is his badge. Technically when a sheriff retires or dies the station takes back their badge and gives a commemorative one to the family. However, the new interim sheriff let me keep his actual badge. I squeeze my hand around it as I stare about me at the only home I’ve ever known.

I am still just standing there where Derek arrives. He is wearing a dark black suit and tie. He looks so handsome that I wish he was dressed up for a happier occasion. He doesn’t ask any questions, he just wraps his arms around me and whispers “hey”. Without words I squeeze him back for a bit and then trudge back towards my room. Every second ticks by as if in slow motion. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that today is the last time I will ever see my dad.

Just as I am styling my hair, Lydia arrives. She looks stunning in her designer black dress and boots. Her red hair is a stark contrast. I once again wish we were celebrating something instead of mourning. Lydia comes and takes over the styling of my hair. She claims I’m not doing it right, but really it’s because she needs something to do with her hands to keep her distracted. For once I am not complaining. I’m just appreciative of how steadfast of a friend she has been to me the last few months.

“You know Scott is going to be there.” Lydia remarks as she fluffs my bangs a bit, giving me a stern look.

“Doesn’t mean I have to talk to him.” I retort.

“He is feeling really guilty about how everything went down at the dance.”

“He should. It was his responsibility to make sure everyone was safe.”

“Stiles, cut him some slack. He can’t do everything. He’s not superman.” Lydia finishes with my hair and takes a step back.

“Cut _him_ some slack? Lyds he called me a cold blooded killer. Never mind that he trusted Theo over me. Then he wasn’t there to protect my dad. Excuse me if I don’t have any nice words for him right now.” My anger and frustration over everything that had transpired since August coming out in my words.

“Just don’t start anything with him at the funeral. Okay? Your dad wouldn’t want it.” Lydia says softly, once again giving me a stern look.

“As long as he doesn’t come anywhere near me we won’t have any issues.” I reply curtly, grabbing Derek’s hand and walking towards the door.

This whole time Derek has remained silent but, holding his hand in mine I can tell that he is just as upset and angry as I am. He’s just better at masking it. I climb into his black SUV and we head off to the funeral.

The church hall that is housing the service is huge, but already it is halfway full when I arrive. Technically I should be along the wall with other “family” receiving the guests and allowing them to offer condolences. However, I let Melissa do all of that and I slink over to the farthest side of the front row. I want nothing more than to crawl under a rock and disappear. Once again Derek is my rock and anchor. He sits down with me, giving me comfort through the presence of his hand in mine. We had never told anyone we were dating, but now that I am here and in this situation everyone knows.

I hear a whisper or too from members of the crowd who came to pay their respects.

_I had no idea the sheriff’s boy was gay._

_How could he be with that no good Derek Hale?_

_I’m sure John is rolling in his soon to be grave at that sight._

As if he knew what I was thinking, Derek leans over and says “Ignore them. They know nothing. Your dad loved you, no matter what.”

I steel myself against the tears that are once again threatening to fall. Soon Lydia joins us and Melissa and bringing up the rear, Scott. I zone out at as the Pastor starts going on and on about how John was a good man and a great protector of the community. Blah blah blah. I don’t mean to sound callous or rude, but what did the Pastor know? It’s not like dad and I went to church every Sunday. In fact, I haven’t regularly stepped foot in a church since I was a small kid and my mom would drag us.

Soon it is time for me to get up there and say my piece about the John Stilinski that I knew. Derek gives my hand one last reassuring squeeze before I stand up. The walk to the podium seems to take ages. Like I am never going to get there. But, get there I do and suddenly I am looking out at a sea of faces.

“My dad. That is the best way to describe who John Stilinski was to me. He was nothing more or less than that. Sure he was the Sheriff, but to me that was just his job. For the last twelve years he was my dad while also trying to fill the hole my mom left behind. I never once heard my dad raise his voice to me. Sure he would get frustrated and angry but he never yelled. He just loved me fiercely and did everything he could to keep me safe. I just wish I could have returned the favor. John Stilinski was my hero from the time I knew what heroes were, til the day he died.” I finish and then walking over to his closed casket I place my hand on it and whisper, “I love you. Good-bye.”

I sit back down next to Derek and a somber silence falls over the room. I think that we are going to listen to the choir sing a bit and then head over to the cemetery, but what I’m not expecting is another speaker to get up. Scott.

I am so filled with anger that I don’t even listen to his words. How dare he speak at _my dad’s_ funeral service? He has no right. Especially not after what he put me through. Derek can tell that I am getting angry so he wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close. He kisses me softly on the top of my head and to anyone watching from behind it looks as though he is comforting, not calming. I know that Scott is looking at me trying to get me to react. I refuse to look at him, because I know that if I do I will end up releasing all the anger inside of me in the worst way possible.  

Once Scott has finished and sits down again the choir sings its final song and then everyone gets up to leave. I remain seated in the hopes I can avoid Scott all together. Lydia gives me a comforting look as she gets up and leaves with the McCall’s. Malia, who I hadn’t noticed before the service comes over and offers me her deepest apologies. I look up at her and force my mouth into something resembling a smile. Derek’s hand begins to rub my back in comfort. Once Malia is gone I continue staring at all the floral arrangements. Then I begin to laugh. Derek is taken aback and removes his comforting hand.

“God my dad hated flowers. He said they were a nuisance and aggravated his allergies.” I cough out between laughs.

Its clear Derek still doesn’t know what to make of my sudden outburst. He gently, and silently, urges me towards the exit and his awaiting car.

We make it to the cemetery in record time and no one seems to question why we took so long. The good thing about grief is no one rushes you to do anything. I make my way over to the graveside chairs set up. I know that his burial is going to be a whole commemorative show. The sheriff station is gonna do a farewell of sorts to the playing of bagpipes. You know the usual for men of service. I fiddle with the service program I still have in my hands from the church. I want nothing more than to be able to leave and be alone.

Sure enough the burial itself lasts forever. I don’t really want to throw dirt onto my dad’s casket, I feel that is like I am throwing dirt on him. However, I know it will seem callous and rude if I don’t so I go through the motions. The entire time we are at that graveside I never once make eye contact with anyone. I watch silently as they lower my dad into the ground. I am reminded of my mom’s funeral, only this time I don’t have my dad there to place his hand on my shoulder and tell me I wasn’t alone. I slowly feel the darkness creep in. Panic starts to build up and I suddenly can’t breathe.

I scramble from my seat and run away. I run as far as I can before my legs give out. I rip at my tie and throw it on the ground next to me. I grasp at the grass and ground as I struggle to breathe. I can sense Derek is nearby but, he hangs back as if he knows I need space. Scott however, rushes to my side. I feel my chest squeeze tighter almost immediately. I hear the muffled sound of Derek yelling. I am not sure what he is saying because my vision blacks out and my hearing dies. I close my eyes and start counting. With each subsequent number my breathing becomes more normal. By the time I reach thirty my chest feels considerably looser and my breathing is more stabilized.

I immediately look around and the attendees are torn between concern for me and interest in whatever else was going on. I lock my eyes on Derek and Scott. Derek has Scott up against a tree and is clearly screaming in his face.

“HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOU SHOULD TRUST HIM OVER SOME GUY YOU BARELY KNOW! UNLESS THE FRIENDSHIP WAS ALL A LIE TO YOU!” Derek screams, his face an inch away from Scott’s.

I slowly walk towards Derek and Scott, but before I get there Derek lets Scott go. Scott straightens himself out and proceeds to get up in Derek’s face.

“YOU ARE CRAZY! You know that?! CRAZY! You don’t know me OR my friendship with Stiles.”

“I don’t know Stiles? Really?! So what did he feel when he broke up with Malia? What was he thinking after that incident at the library? How hard has it been since his father died? Hmm? Can you answer ANY of those questions?” Derek says in the sternest voice I have ever heard. I know I should probably intervene, but after the week I’ve had I can’t bring myself to socialize in any capacity. So I turn my back to them and start to walk away.

I hear a rush of feet behind me and I turn expecting it to be Derek, but instead I find Scott.

“Dude, could you tell your boyfriend to lay off?” Scott asks out of breath from running.

“No.” I reply shortly, continuing to walk away.

“No?! But I’m like your best friend man. I know you better than anyone else here.” Scott’s pleading really infuriates me so I stop and turn, letting him have it.

“My BEST friend? Wow! Scott that’s a laugh! Where the fuck have you been all semester? Huh? Where were you when I was worried about my friends pulling away? Where were you when I was feeling most alone and vulnerable? Where were you when I TOLD you I didn’t trust Theo? Where were you when I was BEGGING you to hear me out and trust ME over HIM? Where were you Scott when my father got attacked by that beast? WHERE WERE YOU THIS WHOLE YEAR?” I am inches from his face now and I can feel the heat radiating off my flushed cheeks. “Oh that’s right you were dealing with some ‘stuff’ and spending time with your girlfriend!”

I turn to Kira who is hanging back and apologize to her, saying I don’t blame her. Then I turn back to Scott, my fists clenched in rage. It is taking all of my resolve not to punch him in the face.

“Stiles, dude. Don’t be like this. Not at your dad’s funeral.” Scott whispers softly.

“Don’t. Be. Like. This? Are you out of your fucking mind? You think that showing up after months of ignoring me and not making our friendship a priority that I won’t have a few things to say? I don’t care if it’s my dad’s funeral. If you didn’t want me to say anything you should have stayed away from me. We’re done Scott. Done.” I turn and walk away from him. Derek jogs to walk by my side.

A few feet away from Scott I stop for a second as I hear him reply, “I learned the truth you know. Theo told me he lied. I’m sorry.”

“It’s a little late for that Scott.” I say as I continue walking; leaving my ex-best friend to watch me fade into the distance.

 

I am sitting in Derek’s front seat when I release it all. The screams, the anger, the tears. It is the first time I have really cried since my dad died and it is painful and yet cathartic. I feel my chest getting tight as the sobs wrack my entire body. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. It wasn’t supposed to be a sad affair filled with loneliness and emptiness. Derek just sits there next to me, a silent comfort. The only sound in the entire car is the sound of my sobs. Soon even those begin to taper off. When finally I am reduced to hiccups I turn to Derek.

“When does the pain go away?” I ask timidly between hiccups.

“Never.” Derek says simply, staring straight ahead as if he can’t bring himself to see my face when I hear his answer.

“N-never?” I whimper.

Finally Derek turns to me and with a look of the utmost love, he says, “When did the pain of your mom dying go away?”

“It didn’t.  As I got older it didn’t hurt as much or as often.”

“Losing both parents is the same way. The pain never fully goes away, it just gets a little easier to handle. You just gotta find that something that anchors you down.” Derek replies sagely.

“And you found yours.” I reply simply, looking away from Derek to stare at my feet.

“Of course. I wouldn’t be here, like this, if I hadn’t.” Derek doesn’t share with me what his anchor is, but I have an idea.

We sit in companionable silence for another hour before Derek drives me home. I find simple comfort in knowing that he is there for me. That he will always be there for me. He helps me to pack up my father’s home, one that I will exit for the last time in just a few short days. All the while he tells me that if I should ever get overwhelmed with living with Scott and his mom, his apartment is always open. It’s in these little moments where I am thankful that I am not him at this age, trying to navigate the grief of death alone.

It’s crazy to think that just a few short months ago Derek was just an afterthought in my life and Scott was everything to me. That my father was alive and well. It’s true what they say about the future being uncertain and that you shouldn’t count anything out. After all between September and October I had both the worst and best thing happen to me. Anything is possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be an epilogue to end out the story.


	13. Epilogue: Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and the rest of the gang graduate from High School.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is my shortest chapter, but I felt I really just needed to wrap things up a bit. So this is that.

**June 25 th, 2016**

I sit in the hot sun wishing I could be anywhere else. It’s my high school graduation day and I am not all that enthused about it anymore. Not since my dad died. Eight months. It’s been eight months.

I look a few rows ahead of me and to the left and see Scott fiddling with the program in his lap. Things are starting to get a bit better between me and him. I think being forced to live with him helps the situation. After my dad’s funeral I apologized to him for snapping and saying we were done. I was just dealing with a lot that day and I was still upset with him too, but I never meant to cut him out completely. Luckily for me Scott understood and he told me it was no big deal, that he deserved it. He also apologized that day. He said he hadn’t realized that his actions had affected me so deeply. Scott also apologized for trusting Theo, but that I also could have said something to prove him wrong.

Like I said, Scott and I were working on things. It was still rocky, but our friendship was on the road to being mended.

I puff my cheeks out as I blow out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. This time last year I was over the moon excited about the prospect of this day. Now that I know looking at the crowd won’t show my dad however, it’s just not the same. Everything in my life has changed in one short year. I used to think that by being friends with Scott and Derek and the rest of the pack I was somehow less fragile. That I was suddenly safer. Now I know that I am not. I’m not invincible. I still bleed. I can still have my heart broken. My life can still be turned on its axis in the worst possible ways and my pack can do nothing to stop it.

I don’t blame Scott anymore. It wasn’t his fault that he was being pulled in a million different directions that night. I wanted someone to blame for my dad because it was hard for me to just accept that things happen. That death happens to everyone. These last few months have taught me that; Derek has taught me that. Sure there are actual bad creatures and people to blame for the deaths in this town but, it does no good to blame the ones trying to stop the bad from happening. Even Batman can’t save everyone.

I hear Scott’s name get announced and I chuckle as I see him excitedly fist pump the air after receiving his diploma. My best friend, through it all, is just happy to have made it through high school. I smile to myself because I realize, in that moment, that I should feel the same. Sure bad crap keeps happening but dammit if I haven’t come out the other side alive. I’m a survivor. I am not alone.

Soon my row makes the trek up to the stage. I laugh again when I hear the principal try to say my birth name and butcher it.

“It’s Stiles!” I hear Coach Finstock holler from the crowd of teachers sitting off to the side. This statement causes a cheer to erupt in not only the senior class but also the crowd in the bleachers.

“Stiles works fine,” I say to him as I shake his hand and receive my diploma.

In that moment I look out to the bleachers, the sun in my eyes. I think I see my dad in the topmost corner clapping and silently smiling. I blink and he is gone. Then I turn my smiling gaze to where I know Melissa McCall is sitting. She and Derek are standing side by side cheering the loudest of all. I look directly at Derek and he gives me a thumbs up. This is the freest I have ever seen Derek’s emotions to be. A man who is usually closed off from the world is telling it just how proud of me he is.

I know in my head that he’s probably just doing it to make up for my dad, but my heart swells and can’t believe he is mine. I never in a million years thought that I would get to be in a relationship with SourWolf extraordinaire. I smile at him again and walk off the stage and back to my seat.

 

After all the names have been read and all the diplomas have been given we do the celebratory throwing of our caps. I honestly don’t care so I push myself through the crowd. I am suddenly hit with a huge sadness about the fact that my dad, who always worried I wouldn’t live to see graduation, is the one missing it all. We always joked that my lack of coordination or blatant disregard for safety would end up killing me before I was 18. I feel the tears prick my eyes as I run off to a corner of the field to be alone. All my classmates yelling and cheering with family is just way more overwhelming than I thought it would be.

I am standing alone under the bleachers when a set of warm arms envelop me. It is Derek. I know without even looking. He doesn’t say anything. He just holds me against his chest and runs his fingers through my hair. He is a silent comfort on a day that is harder than any of the others in the last 8 months. Derek knows and understands what I am going through because he went through it too.

“He should be here. He should get to look like he’s about to cry and then finagle me into going out for burgers and fries.” I mumble into Derek’s chest.

There is a silence for a moment. I know Derek is mulling over what comforting thing he should say. Then he surprises me.

“Can we go out for burgers and fries?” Derek pulls back a bit so we can look into each other’s eyes. I release a wet laugh as tears pour down my face.

“Yeah. But just today. Don’t want to get your cholesterol too high old man.” I say with my signature laughter edged grin. We hold hands as we exit the shadows and re-enter the sunlight.

Almost immediately we are greeted by Lydia, Scott, Kira, and Malia. All of them are smiling and over the moon excited about graduation day having finally arrived. Lydia’s smile drops the minute she sees my slightly puffy eyes.

“Stiles” she starts and reaches out to touch me in comfort. I release my hand from Derek’s and wrap her in a hug

“Lyds I am fine. I just got a bit emotional for a second thinking about how much my dad would’ve loved today. Trust me I’m A-Ok.” I say holding her tight to me. I convey all the things I could never say to her with my hug.

“Hey, enough of this mopiness. Let’s go get some food!” Scott says excitedly as I pull away from Lydia.

“Yes! Mabel’s has a plate of curly fries with my name on it!” I yell with a smile as I grab Derek’s hand again and lead the pack away from the field.

However, before I can leave I am stopped by Melissa.

“Stiles, your dad…” She starts but then stops.

“Yeah I know. He would’ve been so proud of me. He WAS so proud of me.” I place my other hand on her shoulder and look her in the eyes.

“I just know how hard today was for you. Just know that no matter what you can always call my house your home.” Melissa starts to cry. It’s then that I know I have to make my exit as well or I will start crying again.

“Of course. Look, the guys are expecting me at Mabel’s so…” I reply.

“Go. Go. Don’t let me stop you. Go celebrate. You earned it.” She gives me a soft smile as we part ways.

I feel Derek softly squeeze my hand in comfort as we trek to my jeep. Mabel’s is only about five minutes away but, to me it seems like a lifetime. As far as I know this could be the last time the whole group of us hang out together. It’s in that moment that I realize I’m back where I started. Worrying about friends.

As we pull up to Mabel’s though I also realize things are different. I no longer worry that I will never see anyone after today. I am now confident that no matter where life takes us we will always find ourselves coming back home. It may not always be at the same time but, we will always come back. I may be going off to college in Seattle next year without any of my friends, but I will have Derek.

Derek Hale.

Who knew that within a year the silent, closed off man would somehow worm his way into my life and stay. I have always admired and somewhat crushed on Derek because of his mysteriousness. However, now I admire and respect him because I know just how broken he is despite looking put together. It gives me hope that someday in the future I won’t be a mess anymore, at least not on the outside. I will someday be able to pull off this air of knowing it all.

Whether Derek is with me romantically or just as friends as I go along life’s path I know that I will never walk alone. He will always be beside me to guide me and comfort me.

Silent but strong.

Scott’s laughter and shoulder bump pull me out of my head. No matter what happens between us I now know that Scott will always be my brother. I may really wanna punch him sometimes because he has blind faith in people but, at the same time that is what I love most about him.

In fact, at this moment Scott is talking to Mabel with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. The man is definitely flirting. I look to Kira to see what her reaction is. She gives a little ‘oh well’ shrug and smiles at her boyfriend. Scott will always be Scott. There was a time when he first got bitten that I thought this whole werewolf thing was gonna change him. Two years later I know for a fact that he is just as Scott like as ever.

My friends will always be my friends. I have thought many times over the last 8 months on whether or not they’d still be my friends if my father had never died. To be honest I still can’t give you an accurate answer to that. However, I do know that when it mattered the most my friends were there as a comfort to me.

They are also some of the few people in this town who haven’t judged my decision to be in a relationship with Derek Hale. Maybe because they know that under his tough exterior is a heart of gold, or maybe because they trust me. Whatever, the reason I am thankful for their support.

When this year started I felt my friends slipping away. Now somehow, Derek and my dad have brought us back together. Closer than ever. Crazy how life is sometimes right?

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will occur irregularly until I can figure out a writing schedule that works with my work and school schedule. The next update will happen within a week or so, hopefully. Thanks for all the support.


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